First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

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First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Thu Nov 02, 2017 10:21 pm

Hello, I've been lurking on here and literotica for a while and was in need of something fresh. I got motivated by a wise man who once said "Be the change you wish to see in the world" and cooked something up real quick. There are many elements from stories which inspired me that you may recognize.

Here are a couple of things you should keep in mind when going into the story (listed in order of what i consider to be the most important):

1) This is a first draft, I am not really satisfied with it. So don't expect much, Reading it will probably spoil the final experience, if I get to that. I am honestly only posting on here to test the waters of writing within this genre. I wasn't going to post anything but since I won't have time to work on this for a while, I figured I would see what others have to say before deciding if is worthy of posting elsewhere.

2) When providing constructive criticism, please keep in mind that we all have different tastes within this genre, some things may drive some people wild, while other subjects may be a turn off for other readers. I am mostly looking for ways in which I can improve the flow of the story and add content that will supplement the existing material. Unless something really bugs you and it ruins the rest of the material (assuming you enjoyed some of it), then feel free to mention your concerns.

2.5) If there are any plot holes/inconsistencies that bug you, please let me
know.

3) This is the first part of a possible three. This is the only written part, the others are just general ideas.

3) Please try to ignore grammatical errors.

4) I haven't really written anything in a long while...





Well if you got through that boring text, thank you, I hope you find the story to be more entertaining. If you skipped it, just tell me if the story is good or nah.



* Disclaimer: All characters are 18+, something something purely fictional... blahblah blah whatever...


“Mom, you can’t!” I whinged as I got the news, “It’s gonna be sooo wierd mom!” I added as my mom rolled her eyes at me.

“Don’t be ridiculous Alan,  with your dad out of work  we need the money, besides it isn’t uncommon for a parent to teach at their child’s school.”

“Yeah but not many guys have a MILF for a mom” I mumbled under my breath remembering how guys react to hot teachers.

“What did you say young man? It doesn’t matter because this conversation is over and I won’t hear another word.” she said putting her foot down.

My senior year of school couldn’t get any worse, literally. My lifelong bully, Barry Williams, had been hammering me down all year as my “graduation gift” and now he would surely be ogling my mom and making crude jokes about her to his friends. My mom had quit her job to take care of my little sister who was born over a year ago. Recently my dad lost his job when the accounting firm had been closed and he couldn’t find a job. My parents didn’t say but I knew that we were in desperate need of money. My mother had managed to get a job quickly over my Spring break, replacing my previous teacher who was fired under some weird circumstances. Rumours floated around but no one really knows why she was fired. This meant that in in just a couple of days I would be together in a classroom with my mom, my bully, all his friends, and my anxiety.

The class was a special course for failing seniors, it consisted of only 4 other students and they all hated me. I was put into the class not because I am dumb or anything, but because I “tripped” down the stairs last year, broke my legs and pelvis, and was out for some months. As a result I ended up failing some classes. Mom was assigned to the class due of a mixture of ignorance and desperation. Unbeknownst to her, it was a class no one wanted to teach because of the troublemakers in it, mom took the job in a heartbeat before anyone could warn her. Mom would only be teaching it for the last hour of the day and the rest of the day would be working on lesson plans and other boring administrative work. The worst part of this ordeal was that it was the sexual education class, which is required by the state to graduate. SInce our school has been doing less than spectacular in recent years, the administration was desperately trying to boost graduation numbers to raise their funding. It was rumoured that the board chose random students as a sample to represent the school population. I guess my bullies and I were lucky enough to be in the sample and the school was trying to shove us towards graduation and make the school look better.

I was mostly worried about the crude jokes that would spread across the school about my mom and her divine 5’ 6”  figure. I hate to admit it but I have been jerking off to her many years now. It has been my dark secret, it started off just imagining her naked, wondering how nice her ass would really look without her tight workout pants, imagining her long blonde hair rubbing my legs as she blew me. Eventually I started jerking off to her panties and then her bras. Since she had my sis, her cup went up a couple of sizes to a 32DD. They fit her slim waist and round bubble butt nicely, especially when she had on her little workout outfits that she only wore inside the house. I have been trying to sneak a look at my naked mom for ages now and failed. I even tried setting up a spy camera on multiple occasions but never succeeded. I desperately need to see her naked tits now that they look so full post-preggo mode.

I also worried about what my mom would think of me once she saw how pathetic I am. I never told my parents about my bullying and didn't want them to worry about me and realize that I could not stand up for myself. When I “tripped” down the stairs last year, I actually got beat up and thrown down by Barry Williams and his pals, John Hill, Curtis Smith, and Carlos Sernandez.  I was just too scared to tell them the truth. If I did tell my mom, I knew she would probably overreact somehow and embarrass me anyways.

Monday morning, I woke up as usual and crawled out of bed with my eyes half opened, as usual. I walked into the kitchen where my mom had already made breakfast for me, as usual. I slumped into my seat and finally looked up, my jaw dropped and my eyes popped open. My mom was facing away from me in a white blouse tucked into a beige pencil skirt which ended a few inches above the knees. Her tan skin looked great wrapped in white and beige. She had matching beige high heels that had some fancy straps around her ankles.  I had forgotten that today was the first day in which my mother would be presented to my bullies. Her ass looked great and so did her toned legs. The skirt was a lot tighter than I remembered from last year, and it wasn't because she was fatter. Her hard work in our house’s gym was clearly showing as she bent over to pick something up. I could see the shape of her two ass cheeks as the soft fabric stretched. Her blouse was tight around her waist and her curves were driving me nuts.  I forgot about my problems and started enjoying the show until I saw her panty lines. Oh god, she was wearing one of those sexy tight panties that cover about 40 % of a girls ass. Not a thong but still sexy and not something a typical 37 year old, mother of two, teacher would wear. I could already predict that Barry would be making some dirty jokes about her choice of underwear

When she eventually turned around causing my dick to twitch. Like her skirt, she had bought her blouse before my sister was born and her tits grew. Her boobss looked liked they were about to pop some buttons, it was already unbuttoned far more than I would had liked and showing about 4 inches of cleavage. To make things even worse it was sheer, luckily she was wearing a camisole and bra underneath but you could still see the straps and even more cleavage through the blouse.

“How do I look? Think I will make a good first impression” she said as I quickly shot my eyes from her breasts up to her own beautiful blue eyes. She proceeded to do a spin and her tits swayed and bounced uncontrollably as she turned back around.

“Yeah mom, definitely” I replied pretending to still be tired while working under the table to discreetly tuck my boner into my waistband.

My day went by terribly thinking about my last class, I knew I couldn’t avoid it so I did my best to get through. By the time class was about to start I had already hear rumours about the new MILF working at the school.

As I walked to my mom’s class I spotted her walking down the hallway. Her ass was jiggling under her thin skirt. Each step she took resulted in two things, one, her ass cheeks bouncing and swaying, and two, my cock throbbing wildly. I couldn’t stop myself from imagining my dick tugged in between those majestic buns.

Unfortunately, my view was interrupted when I saw Barry walk out of the bathroom. He started walking behind my mom clearly checking out her ass. He walked up to her, grabbed her ass, and said, “Hey girl, you new around here?” I was shocked I couldn't believe he would be so bold. My mom responded my letting out a loud yelp, turning around and slapped him. Mom was about to slap him again when Principe Williams came out of his office and grabbed her arm. Principle Williams was Barry’s uncle and it was no secret that Barry was allowed to get away with so much crap because of him. He was a 50 something year old, chubby, old man. No one really liked him and no one was sure how he got the job. Many people believed it was due to his family ties. He had close family who were judges, lawyers, politicians, and school board members.

Mr William’s voiced roared as my mom trembled in fear, “WHY DID YOU JUST SLAP MY NEPHEW?” He pulled her into his office and Barry followed in making sure to slam the door. I crept up to the door, although the door window was covered with a poster, a small hole allowed me to look inside. The room had a desk facing the door and a fancy seat for Mr W. When sitting behind his desk Mr. W was facing the door. In front of the desk was a steel frame chair with vinyl padding on the seat and back, it also had thin armrests with rounded edges. This chair was meant for guests whose backs would would be facing the door when sitting down.

Mom was sitting in front of the principal's desk, her back to the door. Mr. Williams was sitting behind his desk, and Barry was leaning on the wall in the corner behind the principle, smiling. I could tell my mom was trying to explain what happened, almost crying with her hands shaking but Mr W wasn't having it. I put my face closer to the door to get a better view and hear their conversation.

“Listen Holly, Barry here is one of the nicest person you’ll ever meet, I can't deal with liars like you trying to smear my family’s reputation by attacking my nephew with outright lies.” said Mr W while my mom looked down at her feet.  “I think I am going to be forced to fire you.”

“Please, no, I need this,” mom said now visibly crying, “it won’t happen again, I promise.”

Mr W. looked at her up and down and told her to stand up. My mom looked confused but she obeyed, her head still down in shame. “Do you think you can walk around like that” Mr W said waving his hand at her clothes dismissively, “I think that if I can train you on how you should dress, I can place you on probation instead of firing you, What do you think?”

“What does that have to do with this?,” Mom replied.

“Well I don’t think it looks like you are dressed to teach in this fine establishment, so will you go through this training? I won’t ask again, and I will not entertain further questions on the subject.”

My mom nodded as Mr W stood up and walked around his desk. He stopped in front of mom and sat down on the desk with his legs spread open and his hands and arms on the edge. His was uncomfortably close to my mom, if his legs weren’t spread open he would be bumping her face with his knees.

“You can’t just go around distracting these hormonal teens, you should know better as a sex-ed teacher, stand up and turn around, let me inspect the extent of your outfit.”

Mom stood up and turned around awkwardly, I don’t think she was fully aware of the situation, her eyes looked confused as she now faced the door and me. Her lower thighs were pressed against the chair seat. “Move the damn chair,” I thought seeing how she was now trapped with Mr. W’s legs to either side of her and the chair in front of her.

Mr. W was now rubbing her back. While massaging her shoulders he said,  “I think that if you can convince me that your training is a success you will be qualified to keep your job.” I saw Mr. W reach behind her and I heard a bra strap slap mom’s back as he pulled and released it.

Mom finally realized what Mr W was implying, she started to tremble, her eyes became wide, and her mouth formed an open ‘O’ as Mr W said, “I can see your bra right through your blouse, I think it is inappropriate for students to see this, taking it off would help, wouldn't it Barry?” Barry nodded his head with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Please, there has to be anoth--” mom stopped mid sentence letting out a surprised moan when Mr W pulled her strap again, striking her way harder this time. Defeated she unbuttoned her bloused and removed it.  I was shocked that she was actually going through this. I couldn’t help myself and unbuttoned my own pants hoping that no one would walk past and see me looking through the window with my hands on my pecker. Mom pulled down the straps of her camisole and bra. I watched mom’s tits sway as she reached behind her back, unhooked the bra, and quickly pull it out of her camisole. She held one arm across her chest and the other lay low with her bra hanging of her fingers. It was a nice, somewhat light, white cotton bra, one which I had used to jerk off with on a previous occasion. It was soft and stretchy and one of my non-lingerie favorites, looking at it dangle from my mom’s fingers cause pre-cum to ooze out of my cock. My gaze followed a tear running down her cheek and I watch it fall onto her chest just above the camisole. I blew a huge load on the carpet as I looked down a couple inches more and saw a peek of her pink areolas. Her nipples were also poking out through the thin fabric of the camisole, which was made even more see thru by her tits and nips stretching it out. I could see that her areolas were about 2 inches in diameter.


“I’m going to have to confiscate that, Holly,” said Mr. W as he snatched the bra from my mom’s hand. He then proceeded to throw it to Barry who started smelling it, I bet it smells like her sweet peach perfume, lucky bastard. “Now I’m going to have to inspect the rest of your outfit,” Mr W said as he turned my mom around by firmly grabbing her by her bare shoulders, her camisole straps still hanging down. He rotated her so that her left side was now facing him and I had a great view of her right side. I had thought her curves looked great in her blouse but seeing her in her tight camisole and skirt made me realize how amazing mom’s figure is. Her braless DD tits looked so heavy yet so perky and her bubbly ass stuck out behind her.

“Hmmm. Holly you look so slutty in that camisole,” Mr W said while squeezing the bottom of her tits. He placed one hand on her boobs and another on her ass and pulled her closer to him while rotating her at a sight angle towards the door so that I could now see both her tits, instead of just her side profile. Now most of her back was facing Mr W and most of her front was facing the door. Part of her butt was now grinding on Mr W’s crotch as he moved her even closer so that he could poke his head around my mom’s arm and look at her chest. His wrinkly face was now a couple of inches from her left breast. His legs were now hanging around her, softly embracing her. She was shaking her head as Mr W continued to ‘inspect’ her shirt.

“Maybe if I could just get those big nipples of yours to go down,” continued Mr W as he reached over and started fondling her tits, “I could see those from a mile away” Mr W said degradingly and I couldn't help but agree with him, her nipples were threatening to rip the fabric. “Well that doesn't seem to be working, it’s only making them more erect and making you hornier, slut!” The last word hit my mom hard, it was hard to hide the fact that she was enjoying this. She let out a small moan and her body shivered. “How about this?” Mr W asked mockingly as he instead pulled and squeezed on her long nipples. Now milk squirted out and soaked her camisole making it completely see-thru. Barry had walked around to get a better look at the show and I couldn’t blame him. I clenched my left hand into a fist full of hate towards Barry as he checked my mom out, yet I couldn't stop stroking myself with my right hand.

“Isn’t this a surprise,” Mr. W chuckled as we continued to squeeze milk out. “How long have you been nursing?”

“I stopped a couple of months ago,”  muttered mom, her pretty face now completely red. When she first started nursing my sister she was so excited and called it a bonding experience. Now she was being used like a cow. Disregard that, not even like a cow, a cow at least provides food and milk. Mom was nothing more than entertainment for some dirty old man,

“You can’t be wearing that to class under your blouse now that it is wet. Take it off and I’ll place it on the heater so by the time class ends it will be dry.” Mr W said pulling down at her straps. Her tits bounced, with her nipples pointing in all sorts of directions as they were freed. Mom went to pull the camisole over her head but Mr. W told her to pull it down under her legs instead. She did as instructed and clumsy pulled it down her waist. Mr W didn’t bother moving so my mom didn't have much space to undress. Her wide hips and round butt troubled her as she stumbled trying to stretch it over them and then step out of it. Her tits were wildly bouncing the whole time. I glanced over at Barry who had a massive erection showing through his jeans. His dick must’ve been well over 8”. This whole time I was seeing mom as a hot piece of ass, but now I think I snapped back to reality and became scared for her. And yet, I couldn't stop stroking myself.

Mr. W took the camisole and threw on the heater, then he handed mom her blouse who looked it at and said, “ I can’t, please, it’s too see-thru, everyone will see. I need my shirt or bra back. How will I explain that I lost my bra to my husband?”

“Well we can’t have you showing students your bra and the shirt is wet. And do not forget that your bra is not your property anymore since I have confiscated it. You’re gonna have to make due with what you have.” Mr W paused to look at Barry, who was still lost in the bra’s smell, and say, “Barry, that’s a really nice looking bra you are holding how much do you think it costs?”

“Gee , I never felt such a nice material so I’m guessing a couple hundred, uncle Frank.” My mom liked to spend money on clothes so I wasn’t doubting she would spend a decent amount of money even on a ‘everyday’ piece of underwear. All mom could do was confirm his guess with a shameful nod.

“I’ll tell you what Holly, I’ll let you buy it back but it will cost you. 100 bucks is what I normally spend for an hour of entertainment, so if you entertain me for an hour after school, we will call it even.” Mom opened her mouth to reply but Mr W interrupted her by grabbing her jaw and saying, “Not so fast sugar, I’m going to need some down payment first. Seeing how it’s almost time for class you are gonna have to make it fast or else you’ll be late, and if you are late you are automatically fired. I hate late people.”

“Okay you bastard but your nephew has to go,” mom said trying to hold on to her last shred of decency.

A visibly angry Mr W turned mom around so that her back was now to the window and she was facing him. With her blouse still in her hands she was now completely vulnerable as her perky tits pointed at him. He then said, “Bitch, you are a sexual education teacher, Barry can watch you do your job. Consider it as performing a live demo.” Mr W then threw my mom’s blouse on the floor and forced her head down by grabbing a fist of her hair. She was now bent over at a 90 degree angle, her shapely ass completely facing the window and I could also see the sides of her tits and nipples as they swung around.

“Hurry up bitch, you have less than 10 minutes before class starts,” said Barry as my mom hastily unbucked Mr W’s pants and pulled his cock out. He let go of her hair and mom’s head started bobbing up and down. It looked like he was trying to break her mentally by having her do most of the job. Her only motivation to make him cum ASAP was the possibility of being late and jobless, and boy was she motivated. She was making all sorts of sucking and slurping noises, which surprised Mr. W. I’m guessing he was thinking she would be a lot shyer, and so did I to be honest. I couldn't really see the action, I could only see her bent over ass from behind, her curvy back, and her hair jumping up and down as her head bobbed. Every once in awhile I would see Mr. W reach for her tits and squirts of milk would hit the floor. Her skirt began riding up, showing the back of her thighs and stretching around her ass. You could see her ass trying to pop out of her tight panties underneath the skirt. Her panty lines were holding on tight and her cheeks were fighting back and overflowing them.

Mr. W was now thrusting his hips which caused mom to stumble back every time he did so. The chair she was originally sitting on was still behind her and everytime she stumbled back her bent over pussy rubbed against the round armrest end. After a couple minutes I started stroking my cock furiously. I started noticing a wet spot on mom’s skirt where her pussy was rubbing against the armrest. I saw Mr W look away from her face and towards her ass, he immediately grabbed her skirt and pulled it up over her waist. HOLY SHIT. He pulled up her skirt to reveal some nice lace, white, panties. As I predicted in the morning from seeing her panty lines, 60 percent of her perfect bubble but was left uncovered. Mr. W grabbed the bottom of her panties and pulled them up giving mom a wedgie. Her panties were now rolled up making them look like a thong.

My vision followed her cheeks down and I blew another load on the door. She had a gap between her thighs that any young girl would kill for and her panties barely covered her pussy. In fact, with all the rubbing  her lips were wrapped around the small piece of soaked material. My mom’s lips were also shaved, I couldn’t believe it. Her pussy lips were pink and red from all the excitement. After pulling her skirt up, Mr W started thrusting his hips harder and playing with her tits again. This time my mom made the subconscious effort to keep her  rubbing her tight pussy on the armrest. Everytime he thrust, her pussy lips swallowed the damn thing, and when he wasn’t thrusting my slut mom was grinding it.

My eyes were locked on to her pussy when a fingertip appeared from below. Mom had moved her hand to rub her clit while grinding wildly on the armrest, pushing the material of her panties deeper into her pussy. Her ass was shaking and It kinda looked like she was sloppily twerking

“You ain’t got much time left, bitch!” yelled Barry. OH MY GOD. All this time I had forgotten about Barry. He was filming her with his fuckin phone. He was getting a close up of her face and then moved to film her swinging tits, and eventually get a shot of her pussy. He was definitely going to show his friends, all I could do was hope that he didn’t post the video on the internet.  After hearing Barry, mom started bobbing her head faster and deeper. She was gagging loudly as Mr W suddenly grabbed a fist full of hair and pressed my mom’s head all the way down. Her arms tried to fight back by pushing against his thighs but he was far to strong. He threw his head back and his legs were shaking wildly, cumming into my mom’s sweet mouth. He told her to swallow all of it or he wouldn’t let her go.

After a couple of seconds Mr W was satisfied and he finally let mom go. When she got up I got a glimpse of Mr W’s dick, it was about medium size, full of pubes, and looked really nasty. I noticed strings of my mom’s juices were hanging from her panties and connected to the armrest. He pulled his pants up and motion for mom to go with his hand. Barry and Mr W high fived each other as she gathered her blouse She walked towards the door with her tits swinging freely, her skirt still rolled up, and  her wet panties showing the outline of her perfect pussy. She stopped a couple of feet before reaching the door to clean herself up a bit.. I was still stroking my cock while looking at the state my mom was in, her hair was a complete mess, her clothes were all wrinkled, and her tits were wet and dripping with her own breast milk. She started to clean herself by using her fingers to wipe some cum which was running down her mouth, she looked pissed and went to wipe it on the wall. Mr W noticed and yelled at her.

“No bitch, don’t make a mess in my room, you already fucked up my nice chiar with your pussy juice.”

“Well what I am I supposed to do I can’t just walk around school like this, as if walking around braless wasn’t bad enough, “replied my frustrated mom.

“First of all you dumb bimbo,, I think you need even more training, seems like you just don't understand that you can’t show your bra to students. Second, do not let that good cum go to waste. Swallow it. Right now.” I watched my mom’s disgusted face as she went to pop her fingers in her mouth, hesitate for a brief moment, and then go for it. Behind her, Barry and Mr W were laughing as they heard her lips suck on her fingers. Once they were clean, mom pulled her skirt back down not bothering to adjust her panites, she pulled the blouse’s sleeves through her arms and began buttoning the front. Barry and Mr W were completely ignoring my mom as they reviewed the footage on the phone, it was like seeing a dog throw away his old chew toy when given a new one.

I knew she would open the door at any moment, but I couldn’t stop peeking and jerking off. You could clearly see her nipples through the wet blouse as it had completely absorbed the milk which was left on her chest. Despite this mom, didn’t complain, she already lost her wet camisole and probably didn’t want to risk losing the only thing covering her breast, even if it did a really shitty job. I knew that I had to look away from her tits or I would cum again so I looked down at her legs. I needed to move away from the door, but my shaky legs refused to cooperate. I could see some of her pussy juices running down the inside of her thighs, past her skirt. This was even worse and I ended up blanking out as I blew another load. My eyes closed and I tried walking away from the door. I made it a few feet away when I heard mom open the door and then slam it shut, she must’ve not been looking as she slammed the door since she ran right into me knocking as both down.

“What the hell?’ I heard her say.as she looked at me. I looked at her, she fell back on her butt and her legs were spread open giving me a full look up her skirt, her panties were still out of place and showing parts of her pussy. My orgasm was still hindering my mind and I was in heaven enjoying the view, she just looked so used. “What are you doing here?” Mom said snapping me out of my dreamlike state.

“I… I… I heard you guys as I was walking down the hallway.” I admitted, feeling sorry for my mom as she crawled over to hug me. Her perfume failing to cover the smell of sex.

“How much do you know?” She asked while hugging me tightly.

“Everything mom, I was scared and don't know what to do, I’m so sor--,”

“Shh baby, no I’m sorry, I shouldn't had done that but we need the money honey. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I promise it will never hap--” mom suddenly stopped talking and hugging me. I looked at her and saw her looking down at my crotch. SHIT, I had forgotten to put my dick away. It was semi flaccid and the head was bright red. There was cum dripping out and some of it fell on mom’s leg. She just looked at me like she was about to vomit and stood up flicking my cum of her leg.

BAM, she slapped me hard and quickly walked away. I heard her mumble, “My own damn son too goddammit.” as I saw her ass jiggle away.


Last edited by necok on Fri Nov 03, 2017 11:05 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by SimpleSyrup on Fri Nov 03, 2017 3:23 am

Good Story! It could use a little more build up and suspense with the mom arriving at school. But I understand with a first story you just want to get it down and figure out the general arc of the story quickly.
I enjoyed it. Great stuff. Keep it up.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:23 am

SimpleSyrup wrote:Good Story! It could use a little more build up and suspense with the mom arriving at school. But I understand with a first story you just want to get it down and figure out the general arc of the story quickly.
I enjoyed it. Great stuff. Keep it up.


Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, it does seem rather empty in the beginning. I originally had more but started cutting stuff as I went because I feared it would eventually drag on too much. In hindsight I should had waited to cut material after I had finished this part.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by john01824 on Sat Nov 04, 2017 11:27 pm

necok wrote:
Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, it does seem rather empty in the beginning. I originally had more but started cutting stuff as I went because I feared it would eventually drag on too much. In hindsight I should had waited to cut material after I had finished this part.


Really thought it was well done and would have loved to read the longer version. As was mentioned above the build up could have been longer and the characters were not really fleshed out. Maybe have some foreshadowing that the mother is sexually frustrated or just hot to trot so to speak. I know she was coerced into the sex but still. Please continue as it was a great start and you seem to have some interesting ideas. Thank you for the post.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Sat Nov 04, 2017 11:54 pm

john01824 wrote: Really thought it was well done and would have loved to read the longer version. As was mentioned above the build up could have been longer and the characters were not really fleshed out. Maybe have some foreshadowing that the mother is sexually frustrated or just hot to trot so to speak. I know she was coerced into the sex but still. Please continue as it was a great start and you seem to have some interesting ideas. Thank you for the post.

Thank you for your comments. I originally wanted the first part to show sexual frustration from the mother, while still being reluctant to let go. In the second part she would go all out slut mode. I tipped the balance way too far towards the reluctant side in part one by taking out material.

I'm still working off the longer version. It's just that most of what I took out to post on here were incomplete ideas/sentences . Most of them seemed too long and irrelevant and were/are in desperate need of being reworked and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do that, so I just removed them. The long version is more of an outline than a draft tbh.

As for the characters, I'm still deciding how they should really look/behave so there aren't many physical/personality descriptions. I have some ideas but nothing set except for Mr. W. Who I've decided is a dirtier, fatter, creepier looking version of some of the characters portrayed by Jack Nicholson.

Here is what I quickly worked on since I last posted on here, I feel like it's kind of too long. Let me know what you think. I left the beginning of the story in this update, even though it's already written in the first post, since I reworked some minor stuff in there. It ends before the hallway incident occurs.



“Mom, you can’t!” I whinged as I got the news, “It’s gonna be sooo wierd mom!” I added as my mom rolled her eyes at me.

“Don’t be ridiculous Alan,  with your dad out of work we really need the money, besides it isn’t uncommon for a parent to teach at their child’s school.”

“Yeah but not many guys have a MILF for a mom” I mumbled under my breath remembering how guys react to hot teachers.

“What did you say young man? It doesn’t matter because this conversation is over and I won’t hear another word.” she said putting her foot down.

My senior year of school couldn’t get any worse, literally. My lifelong bully, Barry Williams, had been hammering me down all year as my “graduation gift” and now he would surely be ogling my mom and making embarrassing jokes about her to his friends. My mom had quit her job when she was pregnant and afterwards stayed out of the workforce for some time to care of my little sister who was born over a year ago. Recently my dad was laid off when accounting firm he worked for had been closed’. He had been looking for months for a new job but was shit out of luck. My parents didn’t need to say it, I could tell that we were in desperate need of money. I even think we were close to losing our house to the bank. My mother had somehow managed to get a job quickly over my Spring break, replacing my previous teacher who was fired under some weird circumstances. Rumours floated around but no one really knows why she was fired. This meant that in in just a couple of days I would be together in a classroom with my mom, my bully, all his best friends, and my anxiety.

The class was a special course for failing seniors, it consisted of only 4 other students and they all hated me. I was put into the class not because I am dumb or anything, but because I “tripped” down the stairs last year, broke my legs, and was out for several months. As a result I ended up failing some classes. Mom was assigned to the class due of a mixture of ignorance and financial need. Unbeknownst to her, it was a class no one wanted to teach because of the 4 infamous troublemakers in it, Mom took the job in a heartbeat before anyone could warn her. Mom would only be teaching for the last hour of the day while the rest of her day consisted  of forming lesson plans and other boring administrative work. The worst part of this ordeal was that it was the sexual education class, which is required by the state to graduate. SInce our school has been doing less than spectacular in recent years, the administration was desperately trying to boost graduation numbers to raise their funding. It was rumoured that the board chose random students as a sample to represent the school population. I guess my bullies and I were lucky enough to be in the sample and the school was trying to shove us towards graduation to make the school look better.

I was mostly worried about the crude jokes that would spread across the school about my mom and her divine 5’ 6”  figure. I hate to admit it but I have been jerking off to her many years now. It has been my dark secret, it started off just imagining her naked, wondering how nice her ass would really look without her tight workout pants, imagining her long blonde hair rubbing my legs as she blew me. Eventually I started jerking off to her panties and then her bras. She had plenty of super sexy lingerie. I figured that these pieces were reserved for bedroom use only since every time I peeked down her shirt she always had a normal bra.. Since she had my sis, her cup went up a couple of sizes to a 32DD. They fit her slim waist and round bubble butt nicely, especially when she had on her little workout outfits that she only wore inside the house. She had a classy and sexy sense of fashion, sometimes almost too sexy but not over the top. When going to a pool or the beach she always wore a thin cover up over her bikini  that showed a decent amount of cleavage but not enough for my perverted curiosity. Her bikini bottoms usually showed off the bottoms of her cheeks but it was always hard to get a good look at her them under the cover ups, which were thin enough to let her skin tan, but they had some colorful designs which made it hard to see her body.  I have been trying to sneak a look at my naked mom for ages now and failed. I even tried setting up a spy camera on multiple occasions but never succeeded. I desperately need to see her naked tits soon now that they look so full post-preggo mode.

I also worried about what my mom would think of me once she saw how pathetic I am. I never told my parents about my bullying and didn't want them to worry about me and realize that I could not stand up for myself. I think they knew I didn’t have many friends since I rarely hung out with anyone. What they didn’t know was the extent of my bullying and the fact that I had 0 friends. When I “hung out” with people I would just go by myself to a fast food joint and tell my parents I was seeing my friends.  When I “tripped” down the stairs last year, I actually got beat up and thrown down by Barry Williams and his pals, John Hill, Curtis Smith, and Emilio Fernandez.  I was just too scared to tell them the truth. If I did tell my mom, I knew she would probably overreact somehow and embarrass me anyways.

The sound of my screeching alarm clock reminded me that it was Monday. I woke up as usual and crawled out of bed with my eyes half opened, as usual. I walked into the kitchen where my mom had already made breakfast for me, as usual. I slumped into a seat and finally looked up, my jaw dropped and my eyes popped open. Mom was facing away from me wearing a long sleeve white blouse tucked into a beige pencil skirt which ended a few inches above the knees. Her tan skin looked great wrapped in white and beige. She had matching beige high heels that had some fancy straps around her ankles.  I had forgotten that today was the first day in which my mother would be presented to my bullies. Her ass looked great and so did her toned legs. The skirt was a lot tighter than I remembered from last year, and it wasn't because she was fatter. Her hard work in our house’s gym was clearly showing as she bent over to pick something up. I could see the shape of her two firm ass cheeks as the soft fabric stretched. Her blouse was tight around her waist and her curves were driving me nuts.  I forgot about my problems and started enjoying the show until I saw her panty lines. Oh god, she was wearing one of those sexy tight panties that cover about 40 % of a girls ass. Not a thong but still sexy/fun and not something a typical 37 year old mother of two teacher would wear. I just knew that Barry would be making some dirty jokes about her underwear once he saw her vpl.

When she eventually turned around the sight caused my dick to twitch. Like her skirt, she had bought her blouse before my sister was born. The blouse was not made for her post-preggo tits, they looked like they were about to pop some buttons. She only left the top two buttons undone, but that was far more than I would had liked since it allowed for 4 inches of cleavage to show. To make things even worse it was sheer, luckily she was wearing a camisole and bra underneath but you could still see the straps and even more cleavage through the blouse where the camisole wasn’t present.

“How do I look? Think I will make a good first impression” she said as I quickly shot my gaze from her breasts up to her beautiful blue eyes. She proceeded to do a spin causing her tits to sway and bounce uncontrollably as she turned back around.

“Yeah mom, definitely” I replied pretending to still be tired while using my free hand discreetly tuck my boner into my waistband under the table. She kept talking, and talking, and talking but everything entered in through my right ear and shot out the left ear. For a split-second, I was almost glad that one of us was excited about her new job.

I could hardly eat but I did not want mom to think anything was wrong. I chewed my food but couldn’t swallow. Whenever mom wasn’t looking I would throw a bit in the trash until my plate was empty. After breakfast, I changed from my pj’s into my school clothes and threw my homework and school supplies in my backpack. While brushing my teeth and straightening myself up, Mom kept bossing me around so that we wouldn’t be late, “do this, do that, hurry up.” Could she just be quiet? She sounded too excited to be working again and it started annoying me. When I was all packed up and ready to go I walked past my sister’s room and saw mom kissing my sister goodbye. “I’ll wait for you in the van,” I whispered as I walked away just wanting the day to end before it even begun.

I waited a couple of minutes warming up mom’s minivan before looking through my stuff to check that I wasn’t missing anything. I realised that I forgot to pack my calculator and ran back inside. Not wanting to wake up my sister, I tiptoed around the house. I grabbed the calculator and on the way back I passed through mom and dad’s bedroom door. I could hear that they were fighting. I normally tend to mind my own business but I heard some interesting stuff come out of my mom’s mouth that sparked my curiosity.

“Stop it, no. I don’t have time for this. You are messing up my outfit.” I heard mom complain in between some light slaps, she was no doubt slapping my dad’s hands away from her body.

“C’mon baby, you look so great, It won’t take more than 3 minutes.”

I heard mom sigh and cuckle as she said, “I know it won’t, you never do. Besides when I wanted some action last night you pushed me away.”

“Hey don't go there, you know I can’t help it. Premature ejcaulation is nothing to joke about, 1 in 3 men have to suffer through this...”

“I wonder who’s the one really suffering,” mom interrupted, her remarked seemingly ignored by dad.

“...and you know I was tired last night,” dad said raising his voice.

Mom now started to sound pissed as she shot back, “Tired from what? Or were you drunk and pretending to be tired so I wouldn't be able to tell? You reeked of alcohol and there is no way you would had gotten it up anyways. Do you enjoy drinking with your buddies while your wife prepares for work AND does her job as a mother of two? You should be out looking for a job.”

“That’s enough,” dad said as I heard them move around and bump somethings in the process. It sounded like someone was kicking the bed and mom was groaning. I was confused at first until I heard those sounds be replaced with the bed creaking and hearing mom say, “Fine if you’re going to take me like that, just do what you have to and hurry up.”

Dad eventually responded with, “you like that don’t you? I can tell, you were just playing hard to get to you, huh?”

Mom sarcastically replied, “Oh yes I love it” and dad humped away faster.

“It’s big isn’t it?” Dad said sounding thrilled. He didn’t catch on that mom was completely faking it.

She just boringly replied, “Oh it’s sooo big.”

I immediately heard dad moan loudly and say, “I’m going to drop a huge load inside of you babe!”. I decided I had heard enough and backed away from the door, I couldn't believe dad would force himself on mom, but at the same time I imagined myself taking my dad’s place. I started to get turned on but my imagination quickly crashed as I imagined penetrating her with my small dick while mom sarcastically insults me like she did with dad. If I took advantage of her in her sleep she probably wouldn’t even feel my small dick and it kind of pissed me off. This caused my fantasy to turn into an actual twisted plan. Mom occasionally falls asleep on the couch laying down on her tummy after a post-workout shower, usually wearing loose sweatpants. After hearing her get dicked by dad I wanted a turn and was not afraid of the consequences, or I just wasn’t thinking straight. Either way, a very dirty thought came across my mind,  I became determined to actually fuck her in the ass, yes the ass not her pussy, the next time she slept on the couch. That way she would actually be able to feel my tiny dick. She was way to uptight to have ever done anal and it would definitely cause her some discomfort regardless of my size. I planned to pull down her sweats and undies and put my weight on her shoulders so she wouldn’t be able to get up. I would then insert my cock in between her buttcheeks aim for her tight asshole and… get nowhere…. FUCK. Her ass was to firm, round, and big. My dick wouldn’t even be close to long enough to reach past her two globes and into her asshole unless I spread her cheeks. I couldn’t use my hands to spread her ass as I needed my them to hold her down. And even if I spread her cheeks as wide as possible, I would probably still fall short and not get anything in past my tip. You can’t imagine how frustrated I am that even in my wildest imagination I’m too pathetic to score some ass… even by force.

I heard footsteps and snapped out of it, I quickly hid in a closet in the hallway as mom opened the bedroom door. The closet door had slits so I could see her and dad. Dad was pulling up his pants and mom was moving away from him. She had the same look on her face from whenever she was about to ground me, she was pissed. Her skirt was pulled up to an inch below her cunt. She grabbed her bag and picked something white off the floor. I thought it was her panties but it was hard to tell. Whatever it was, was rolled up in her hand and I couldn't get a good look at it. If those really were her panties then that meant that I was so close to seeing her bare pussy. With every small movement my mom made her skirt rode up a bit and then fall. Her skirt refused to give to cooperate with my desires. Luckily for me, dad was about to help me out, I saw him sneak up behind her and she tried to run away. Before she could escaped dad’s reach, he slapped her ass and smiled. He then reached over to pull her skirt up and hopefully present her pussy to me. Unfortunately for me, mom was just too fast. She quickly closed the door on dad’s face and walked towards a bathroom in the hallway, next to the closet I was in. As she walked past me, I saw that lacked her panty lines from this morning. Which confirmed my suspicions that she was going commando. It just pissed me off that my best chance at seeing her naked cunt slipped by due to pure bad luck.

I waited a couple of seconds before quietly opening the closet door and sneaking back outside. I saw that the bathroom door was cracked opened by a tiny amount. I stopped to peak inside and saw my mom’s backside as she pulled her skirt back down. Damn, her panty lines were present again. If I would had risked it and hurried up, I probably would had finally seen her bare ass or pussy, now I was even more pissed. She looked in the mirror and whispered to herself, “Damnit Holly, no wonder you only have two children. He considers a big load just a couple of drops. Didn’t even have to clean myself did I? That small dick of his leaves everything right at the entrance where it just falls right out.”

I didn’t want to hear anymore and made my way to the van. I was thinking that perhaps my dick was tiny because I inherited it from my dad. After a minute or two mom finally got into the driver’s side and we pulled out of the garage and driveway. Her cheerful and talkative attitude from this morning was completely smashed to pieces and it made the drive to school awkward. I couldn’t think of anything to say either since my mind was bogged with what I experienced a couple minutes ago.

A couple of minutes before we arrived to school he reached a stop sign where I saw Barry’s best friends walking out of an alley. They were the same basterds who pushed me down the stairs. John Hill was some dumb stereotypical redneck, he was around 6’ 3” and was stocky like one of those pro-wrestlers. He probably weighed around 270 and had the broken the most records in our school’d gym.. Curtis Smith was an intimidating, 6’ 5” black dude. He was far slimmer and not nearly as strong as John, but he was far quicker, probably weighing 220 pounds. Emilio Fernandez was the shortest of the three at 6’ 1”. He wasn’t the strongest or fastest but he was better overall than anyone else. Anyone who was faster than him was far weaker, and anyone who was stronger than him could not outrun him. The only things these three had in common were 1) They were all huge stars of the varsity football team , 2) they loved to bully me and 3) I saw my mom lust for all three. She looked at all three and licked her lips at each one as her eyes jumped from one’s body to the next. Ugh , mom was checking my bullies, I felt betrayed.

“Hey, those were the boys in the local paper after the big game weren’t they?” Mom said without even trying to hide the fact that she was checking them out.

“Yeah , mom, John Hill, Curtis Smith, and Emilio Fernandez.” I replied sourly thinking about al the pain they caused me.

“Oh so you know them, are they your friends?” Before I could reply mom mom rolled down her window and yelled at them to come closer, which they did. They were looking looking inside the van until they found my mom’s cleavage. She leaned over the window to talk to them which allowed them to get a better look down her blouse. Curtis bumped John’s elbow and gave him a smile. All 6 of their eyes were locked on her tits as mom said, “Hello there, my son Alan and I were just riding to school and he said you guys were his friends. Would you guys like a ride?”

Emilio leaned down and looked at me, his dark brown eyes scared my gaze away and I just looked down. “Oh yeah we know Alam, we are great buddies with him.”  Curtis and John let out some laughter and my mom was thrilled to learn I had friends.

“Perfect jump right in,” mom said as she smiled at me, I returned a faux smile back as the van rocked back and forth as these super athletes piled in. On the way there, which only took a couple of minutes, mom managed to tell them everything. From quitting her job, taking care of a baby, to my dad losing his job, and worst of all how excited she was to teach sex ed. My face was red as they laughed at the last statement. She was super ecstatic when she found that they all were placed in her class. Along the way mom tried making more small talk and cracking innocent jokes, the boys in the back would crack dirty jokes with slang that mom didn’t understand and she would laugh with them not knowing the real meaning behind their words. They knew that it was pissing me off that they were taking advantage of my mom’s innocence. When we finally arrived at school, the drop off zone was backed up so we were going to have to walk from the parking space. We ended up all the way towards the back and it worried me that the guys were whispering to each other, what were they planning?

When we got out of the van, Curtis grabbed me from behind and placed a his huge hand on my mouth. “You make a noise, I’ll snap your neck lil bitch.” I just nodded and saw mom walk away with John by her side talking and Emilio right behind her.

After they were several feet in front of us, Curtis let me go and pushed me forward saying, “How did someone like her birth a retard like you? Now walk.” I did as I was commanded and Curtis walked right besides me. We stayed behind mom, John, and Emilio the whole time.  I was confused until we were inside and I realized that John was distracting mom and Emilio was up to something as he continued to stay behind her. We were in an empty hallway, right before we reached a long flight of stairs Emilio pulled out his phone and I saw its flashlight turn on. I didn’t think much of it since I was too busy trying to look up my mom’s skirt. All I could see was a bit of her inner thighs and a dark shadow masking all the good stuff. Her ass and legs looked so good each time she took a step. Curtis noticed I was trying to look up her skirt and chuckled. I looked at him pretending like I wasn’t and he put his index finger up to his mouth reminding me to keep my mouth shut.

As mom was walking up the stairs with John next to her, Emilio held his phone in between my her legs with the camera and light pointing right up her skirt. That bastard was filming her and instead of warning my mom, I betrayed her. My perverted little mind wanted to see the show even if it meant sharing seats with my bullies. The phone’s light made the shadow disappear, uncovering all the good stuff that lay below my mom’s skirt. I was still too far behind to see anything.  I needed close the distance between us so I could get a better angle and see her panties. I started to quickly jump a couple of steps but Curtis grabbed me by the neck saying, “You don’t get to watch.”

For the first time in my life I threatened my bully. I said, “If I don't get to see that video I’ll tell my mom.” I saw Curtis smile and immediately knew I fucked up. He said, “You snitch on us and I’ll snitch on you for trying to look up your own mom’s skirt. Sick fuck. Then I’ll snap your neck.” I looked down scared and embarrassed while climbing the rest of the stairs. I would occasionally look up at Emilio to see if he stopped filming, but to my dismay he was not only filming but also slightly lifting up the bottom of mom’s skirt to get a better shot. He eventually stopped when we reached the end of the stairs. He filmed my clueless mom for what seemed like minutes but in reality was less than 40 seconds.

When mom, John, and Emilio reached the teacher’s lounge where mom was going to depart from our company she saw Curtis and I lagging behind, she waved and said, “Nice to see the biggest of you boys making company for my son.”

Curtis replied with a evil smile, “Yes ma’am, I sure am the biggest.”

“Yeah but not by much.” Emilio quickly jumped in.

Mom just giggled and said, “Not by much? He must be at least this much taller than you.” She was holding up her fingers about 4 inches away from each other, “but I guess that when you are so big it doesn't really matter.” Mom didn’t catch on that they were obviously not referring to their heights

“Sure thing,” John said trying to pop into the conversation, “but you can’t deny that girth is the complete difference maker, haven’t met a girl who said otherwise” John had his hands proudly around his waist posing like a bodybuilder. John’s waist was twice the circumference of mine and it was pure muscle. His forearms looked like tree trunks and his biceps were about to rip his shirt, his quads were pushing his jeans to the limits too.

“I suppose so,” mom said lost in her own thoughts. She was looking at John’s waist, her vision lost in his chiseled abs. The guys noticed her trance and smiled at me. I was too embarrassed to look at them. I just wanted her to stop, but it only got worse as she locked onto his bulge. She was finally brought back to reality by the warning bell, meaning that we had 2 minutes before the actual class bell rang. Mom quickly excused herself and walked into the lounge. “She wants some dick,” Curtis said looking down at me.

“Mom would never do that, especially with some dumb meatheads--” I fucked up again, I saw them glaring at me and I booked it. I heard them laugh hysterically as I ran away like a pussy.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by sshao on Sun Nov 05, 2017 5:45 am

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Sun Nov 05, 2017 8:29 am

Is there any parts which stood out for you guys? Something that you really liked?

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by Betrayal on Sun Nov 05, 2017 12:38 pm

Really love the detailed description of the mom's body so far. Since you based the principal on Jack Nicholson, is there any woman in particular you based the mom on?
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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Sun Nov 05, 2017 2:28 pm

Betrayal wrote:Really love the detailed description of the mom's body so far. Since you based the principal on Jack Nicholson, is there any woman in particular you based the mom on?


Yeah, an old HS teacher. She kind of looked like a more athletic Scarlett Johansson. Made all the guys crazy. She liked to dress exactly like the mom in the story. I saw one of her tits once when she bent over to help someone in front of me. The desks had students facing each other and she was leaning forward next to us. It just popped out of her bra. Her strap fell out of place and her giant tit + gravity pushed the cup away. Pretty sure she busted me looking but didn't realize how much she showed me since she was used to having guys look down her shirts. Yet she never changed her style of tops or bothered to buttoned them up more. That memory generated enough fap material for the rest of my HS days.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by john01824 on Sun Nov 05, 2017 7:13 pm

necok wrote:

Yeah, an old HS teacher. She kind of looked like a more athletic Scarlett Johansson. Made all the guys crazy. She liked to dress exactly like the mom in the story. I saw one of her tits once when she bent over to help someone in front of me. The desks had students facing each other and she was leaning forward next to us. It just popped out of her bra. Her strap fell out of place and her giant tit + gravity pushed the cup away. Pretty sure she busted me looking but didn't realize how much she showed me since she was used to having guys look down her shirts. Yet she never changed her style of tops or bothered to buttoned them up more. That memory generated enough fap material for the rest of my HS days.

"Her strap fell out of place and her giant tit + gravity pushed the cup away."

Are you sure you didn't Jedi mind trick it out of her cup?!?

The story is fantastic with the added material. I would still kind of stretch things out before the sex in the office. As I said in my last post things just went into overdrive way too fast(for me at least). This would make a great 5 or 6 chapter story kind of like what "Bottom all the way" did with Brad the Bully. I'm not sure you want to put that kind of time into your story but one can only hope. Thanks again for the share.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Sun Nov 05, 2017 8:34 pm

@ johna01824  silent
Lol I think I made the moment sound bigger than it really was, thanks nostalgia. Her cup slipped away just enough for her nipple to say hi.

Yeah, no way the story turns into something super long. Just don't have the time, especially when writing something completely out of my comfort zone. Plus typing with one hand while avoiding making a mess is pretty hard  Very Happy, just look at all those typos.

I am also not generally a huge fan of long stories. It will probably be 3 chapters max at around 11,000+ words each. But we'll see... Brad the Bully is one of the few exceptions, that shit is dope, you can probably tell that it helped inspire me to write this story.

When I get to around to it, I will work on making the issue about the mom needing money more prevelant. While making the office incident more humiliating for the mom. Not sure if I will change it so she seems more or less turned on by it though, that way the son still has his doubts about how slutty his mom is. Kinda want the audience to realize that she is obviously turning into a slut while making the son refuse to believe it... only for it to be completely revealed to him in the next chapter.



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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by ether on Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:06 am

necok wrote:@ johna01824  silent
Lol I think I made the moment sound bigger than it really was, thanks nostalgia. Her cup slipped away just enough for her nipple to say hi.

Yeah, no way the story turns into something super long. Just don't have the time, especially when writing something completely out of my comfort zone. Plus typing with one hand while avoiding making a mess is pretty hard  Very Happy, just look at all those typos.

I am also not generally a huge fan of long stories. It will probably be 3 chapters max at around 11,000+ words each. But we'll see... Brad the Bully is one of the few exceptions, that shit is dope, you can probably tell that it helped inspire me to write this story.

When I get to around to it, I will work on making the issue about the mom needing money more prevelant. While making the office incident more humiliating for the mom. Not sure if I will change it so she seems more or less turned on by it though, that way the son still has his doubts about how slutty his mom is. Kinda want the audience to realize that she is obviously turning into a slut while making the son refuse to believe it... only for it to be completely revealed to him in the next chapter.

You definitely should take the time flesh out the story. It has great potential and your writing is one of the best I have read in recent memory. You should definitely give the mom more time to turn slutty. She probably would deny her arousal at first and the bullies would have to push and later coerce her into it. If you make her a slut from the beginning the whole story turns unbelievable, especially if you want the son to be able to deny it.

Just my two cents, its your story so do what ever you want. But your draft gave me hope for an exceptional story if you take the time and attention!

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by john01824 on Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:37 pm

ether wrote:
You definitely should take the time flesh out the story. It has great potential and your writing is one of the best I have read in recent memory. You should definitely give the mom more time to turn slutty. She probably would deny her arousal at first and the bullies would have to  push and later coerce her into it. If you make her a slut from the beginning the whole story turns unbelievable, especially if you want the son to be able to deny it.

Just my two cents, its your story so do what ever you want. But your draft gave me hope for an exceptional story if you take the time and attention!

Yeah, agreed on all points. Just makes the story that much more hotter knowing the mom is battling her desires and being coerced into action. Just seems a little trite to have her turn(even if she was already one) into a cock hungry slut willing to throw her life/career away. I understand the time and effort needed to write a multi chapter story so just know we are all grateful for the effort.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by Jman1012 on Mon Nov 06, 2017 1:28 pm

I agree with the points that John made about her battling her desires, I cant stand stories that one minute go from the mom being innocent and kind to cock slut in one scene it just doesnt make sense, there needs to be a build up to the moment. If you want some good examples use Mrs. Campbell's Bunkmate story, the guy did a great job of building up the moment with the bully and mom over a few chapters. In terms of length of the story I guess its personal opinion because I prefer long and detailed stories because I think it helps build up the plot.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by DarkMask on Mon Nov 06, 2017 5:29 pm

I like the new version a lot more, take your time with the buildup and you'll have a sure-fire hit on your hands. We want to follow along as the mom slowly becomes seduced by the three jocks, it makes the story more erotic as we've seen the progression from the beginning.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Mon Nov 06, 2017 6:55 pm

DarkMask wrote:I like the new version a lot more, take your time with the buildup and you'll have a sure-fire hit on your hands. We want to follow along as the mom slowly becomes seduced by the three jocks, it makes the story more erotic as we've seen the progression from the beginning.

I really appreciate your guy's feedback. I know it will probably make the final experience less exciting as the audiance since part of the fun of reading is delving into the unknown.

I've decided to make massive changes, instead of planning 3 installments I'm just going to plan/focus on making the first part, quality > quantity. Depending on the overall reception on here and Literotica, I might make more.

So far I've changed the intro to how originally had it, where it focuses a lot more on the torment the bully has caused the son. I scrapped it after because I felt that it was too close to other stories I've read, especially Brad the Bully. I've re-added it since the current text completely glosses over the bullying backstory.

I've also scrapped the office scene but will probably recycle it later on in the story.

So far I plan on (SPOILERS)

1) :
Have the BJ in the office be replaced with a heavily dialogue dependent scene where the principle makes it clear that the mom is fucked. She will get to keep her clothes... for now. I plan to portray the principle as a far more intimidating figure than how he is currently described. Make it obvious that the mom is scared shitless. I will for sure have him make some sort of light physical contact the mom, something straight up inappropriate for a professional setting nowadays (and slightly erotic for the story) but not outright sexual (like the generic "he suddenly shoved a fist in her pussy and she squirted gallons while begging to be fucked" out of the blue type of shit)

2):
After the office scene, the mom will be worried about her job. She will be on probation and will be willing to push limits to keep her job. The scene will take place in the classroom. During this scene the mom will make contact with a penis. I will probably have the bullies lock the son inside a supply closet within the room. When the mom inquires about him the bullies will remind her of the principle's zero tolerance. tardy policy, where students caught in the hallway late are sent to detention. He is watching her the whole time but she doesn't know it. She will try to teach the kids to put on a condom with a "educational penis shaped prop." But the kids will convince her that they need to learn to apply it to the real thing.
She will be tricked/coerced into giving them hand jobs to get their dicks up. Some may "accidently" make a mess on her.

3):
This part isn't really set in stone but it will have something along the lines of having each lesson progress into something more erotic each day, until she loses it. Also, keep in mind that I tend to favor non-consent stories like "Mom Get's Stripped Searched" by George VI, so some scenes might have the mom do things because of outright force.


I'm going to be honest and say that this as slow as I am willing to build things up. I feel that it is enough for me to realistically complete and something that I would enjoy reading. I just don't like long stories and feel that many of the "casual" readers of this genre prefer stories that aren't super long. With that said, I'm not saying I am trying to fuck over hardcore fans of the genre. I'm sure you guys will still enjoy it. I'm just setting realistic limits for myself, and setting realistic expectations. Don't want to overhype my first story...

This is probably be one of the last long posts I'll make on this thread before submitting the story on Literotica. Will answer questions and provide short updates though.




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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by Betrayal on Mon Nov 06, 2017 8:43 pm

If you are going to post it at Lit just be warned of how anti netorare they can be over there. Just don't want you to get all this (deserved)good feedback on here and then get your spirits crushed over there.
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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Mon Nov 06, 2017 8:57 pm

Betrayal wrote:If you are going to post it at Lit just be warned of how anti netorare they can be over there. Just don't want you to get all this (deserved)good feedback on here and then get your spirits crushed over there.

Yeah, I've seen that stories like these are generally full of very mixed reviews. Don't understand why people read stories they obviously aren't going to like. Guess that's why many place disclaimers for this genre.Only posting on there because almost all my favorite stories like this are on there and I don;t know of other sites where my story could get as much exposure. I actually got lucky when looking for a copy of bottom-all-the-way's story and found this forum.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by ether on Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:30 pm

Spoilers ahead!!!!

Feedback to necoks spoilers:


How do you answer to Spoilers without spoiling if you don't want to put everything in a spoiler bracket? Wink

necok wrote:

1) Have the BJ in the office be replaced with a heavily dialogue dependent scene where the principle makes it clear that the mom is fucked. She will get to keep her clothes... for now. I plan to portray the principle as a far more intimidating figure than how he is currently described. Make it obvious that the mom is scared shitless. I will for sure have him make some sort of light physical contact the mom, something straight up inappropriate for a professional setting nowadays (and slightly erotic for the story) but not outright sexual (like the generic "he suddenly shoved a fist in her pussy and she squirted gallons while begging to be fucked" out of the blue type of shit)

Starting with unprofessional conduct is a good way of building up the story and characters. Later, if you really want to scare the mom shitless you should give the principle some kind of evidence. For example a cctv footage of her doing something inappropriate with a student or a confiscicated phone with this kind of footage. This would be enough to loose her job and even some kind of legal trouble with parents. If you really want to make her desperate the student could be underage, but this could be troublesome with some audience and Literotica doesn't allow it. The evidence doesn't need to be definitve proof, just something that could be misinterpreted as inappropriate. Just enough to give the principle leverage over the mom an leaving her no other option than to comply with his demands. The scale could be something like |||threat of divorce--->loosing her job/reputation---->legal trouble with parents---->criminal prosecution|||. Of course the principle could start small and trick her into more trouble in turn giving him more leverage.

necok wrote:

2) After the office scene, the mom will be worried about her job. She will be on probation and will be willing to push limits to keep her job. The scene will take place in the classroom. During this scene the mom will make contact with a penis. I will probably have the bullies lock the son inside a supply closet within the room. When the mom inquires about him the bullies will remind her of the principle's zero tolerance. tardy policy, where students caught in the hallway late are sent to detention. He is watching her the whole time but she doesn't know it. She will try to teach the kids to put on a condom with a "educational penis shaped prop." But the kids will convince her that they need to learn to apply it to the real thing.
She will be tricked/coerced into giving them hand jobs to get their dicks up. Some may "accidently" make a mess on her.

Actually this feels kind of rushed and the mom isn't an idiot. I think the first lesson should progress slower with some remarks and some brushing against the mom. Putting the son in the locker and getting more direct would be a great turning point later in the story. Changing from the build up, with the son mostly unaware, to direct confrontation (albeit small at first but progressing with every lesson) and semi direct involvement of the son.

Later, when the bullies have more hold on her, she could be made to send her son to run some errands (get chalk, some textbooks). This would give you opportunity to examine the sons inner conflict. While running the errand he is torn between hoping nothing weird is going on and his darker fantasies. At first he wouldn't really notice anything weird, but then some smeared lipstick or strange smell in the air would have him doubting his mom and himself. Does he imagine these things or did something happen while he was gone? This would torture the son without really involving him right from the beginning.

necok wrote:

3)This part isn't really set in stone but it will have something along the lines of having each lesson progress into something more erotic each day, until she loses it. Also, keep in mind that I tend to favor non-consent stories like "Mom Get's Stripped Searched" by George VI, so some scenes might have the mom do things because of outright force.

As you can see above I like the idea of progressing each lesson. Maybe SexEd is a bit to blunt for that. You might want to consider making this a biology class with some SexEd parts?


necok wrote:

I'm going to be honest and say that this as slow as I am willing to build things up. I feel that it is enough for me to realistically complete and something that I would enjoy reading. I just don't like long stories and feel that many of the "casual" readers of this genre prefer stories that aren't super long. With that said, I'm not saying I am trying to fuck over hardcore fans of the genre. I'm sure you guys will still enjoy it. I'm just setting realistic limits for myself, and setting realistic expectations. Don't want to overhype my first story...

If you are afraid that the project will get to large, you might want to consider writing some scenes when you feel inspired. These scenes do not need to be written in chronological order and you can organize them later in the kind of story you want to tell. You don't have to use them right away in the chapters you are making public. If you have a couple of scenes written you can think about how the characters would react to each scene and how they could be motivated to progress to the next scene. You will find that you often need another scene in between to make it believable and your story will develop a life of its own.


On another note, what are your plans for the principle and the bullies? Do they actually work together or do they just use each others exploitations of the mom to further their own goals with her? The latter could be used for different styles of exploitation. The principle uses leverage and blackmail to coerce her while the bullies use her insecurities, selfdoubt, desires and later her lust against her.


Last edited by ether on Tue Nov 07, 2017 2:10 pm; edited 4 times in total (Reason for editing : Readability (Spoiler in Spoiler))

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by necok on Fri Nov 17, 2017 10:27 pm

Was able to work on the story a bit. Here is the up to date version of what is readable (At least readable enough to post on here). It ends right before the first piece of action starts, which contains a lot of reluctance/coercing and involves the principle. The parts with the bullies will involve them playing onto her emotions/insecurities. I think it is way too long and needs to be shortened/reworked but that will probably happen after I finish the first sex scene. Let me know if you guys agree/disagree that it is too long so far. When I rework it later, I plan to increase the sexual tension and build up as well as increase the conflicting emotions of the son.

*Edit: I should say that some parts have been left unchanged but I have snuck a couple of completely new lines in between long stretches of old material.

“Mom, you can’t!” I whinged as I got the news, “It’s gonna be sooo wierd mom!” I added as my mom rolled her eyes at me.

“Don’t be ridiculous Alan, with your dad out of work we need the money, besides it isn’t uncommon for a parent to teach at their child’s school.”

“Yeah but not many guys have a MILF for a mom” I mumbled under my breath remembering the way in which we teenage guys react to having a hot teacher.

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing Mom, all I’m saying that this is so unfair and so not cool. I never heard of a parent teaching sex-ed in their kid’s school. Do you realize how fucking whack that shit is?”

“Alan watch your language!”

“Sorry Mom, but…”

“Enough, this conversation is over. It’s not sex-ed it’s health and it  is a very important topic, you should be glad you will have a fun teacher like me.” Mom said putting her foot down. Mom seemed slightly offended since she always tried to be the ‘cool’ mom and like many moms who tried their hand at it, she failed. She was just a bit awkward and too try hard when she tried being “groovy”” as she called it. Who uses that word anymore? I can’t imagine how terrible her previous classes were, no one likes a teacher who tries too hard to connect with kids. Pretty soon I would get to experience it.

I had been looking forward to my senior year of school for an excruciatingly long time now. I had been bullied since forever and one more year would surely be nothing. I have been bullied so much that I have almost gotten used to it. I even endured an extra year of torture since I failed my freshman year of school. I was too busy being forced to do others homework and didn’t have time to do my own or study. At first I saw it as a blessing in disguise until I found out that my lifelong bully, Barry Williams, had also been held back. He apparently failed on purpose to impress college football scouts on his senior year. After four years of torment, the last one seemed like it would be a walk in the park. However, my current situation could best be described by quoting a very influential man. “Wrong.”

Barry Williams had been hammering me down all year as a “graduation gift.” He even warned me at the beginning of the year that he was going to make our last year extra special so that I would remember all the “good times” we had together for the rest of my life. Everyday was hell, in the previous years I had learnt to deal with him by completely avoiding him and his buddies. When walking to my classes, I would avoid shortcuts and walk twice the distances I needed to in order to avoid places where he hung out. I would avoid classes that he liked taking, even if it meant taking the most boring/difficult electives. During lunch, I hid in the smelly school tunnels. The school had underground maintenance tunnels in which I hid from my bullies. The good part about this was that the tunnels connected to the school’s ventilation system so it allowed me ro spy on the girls in the locker rooms.

Gym class was always the scariest part of my day since I couldn’t always avoid Barry. One time he turned off the hot water as I was showering and threw me out of the locker room, literally. The girl’s volleyball team was practicing and they saw my bare ass as I pounded on the door. I kept telling him that it wasn’t funny, but Barry wouldn't stop holding the door close. I heard the girls laughing at me and say things like, “He has a hairy ass”, “he looks so flabby and weak”, and make other mean comments about my body. Barry was on the other side threatening to rip all my clothes along with breaking my phone and laptop unless I turned around and flashed the girls with my hands in the air for a couple for seconds. I was scared and had no choice but to follow his orders. When I turned around, I saw several girls on their phones taking videos of me. I just stared at them like a deer in headlights, too scared to even breathe. They were pinching their fingers on their screens to zoom in as they pointed their phones and fingers at my small dick. I looked down at and saw that the cold water from the shower had made my dick shrivel up into its own skin and my balls were completely sucked inwards. I was normally around two inches flaccid but the cold water made it one inch and most of that inch was the head of my penis, After 5 seconds I heard Barry open the door and I ran back in. Well I ran into the door first. Barry slammed it on my face as I was running in. I bounced back hard before Barry opened it again and threw me in with one hand by grabbing my hair. Since then, I involuntarily baptized as  Turtle-Dick after a girl captioned her Snapchat video of me with “his dick straight up  looks like a turtle trying to hide its head in its shell LMAO” followed by a turtle emoji.

I had managed to keep my mom’s job as a health teacher a secret my whole life. Now Barry and his three best friends would be in the class with me. The class was only for failing seniors, it only had five students. Like many states, ours required that all students pass sex-ed/health to graduate. SInce our school has been doing less than spectacular in recent years, the administration was desperately trying to boost graduation numbers to raise their funding. It was rumoured that the board chose random students as a sample to represent the school population. I guess my bullies and I were lucky enough to be in the sample together.

I was put into the class not because I am dumb or anything, but because I “tripped” down the stairs last year, broke my legs, and was out for several months. The tripping part was actually made up, I was too scared to snitch on Barry, who pushed me down. As a result of the incident I ended up failing some classes. One of them obviously being health.

I was less worried about Barry bullying me than the fact that he was going to ogle and tell degrading jokes about my mom’s divine 5’ 6” figure. I could handle being made fun of, but anything was fair game for Barry who would surely sneak in some low blows and use my own mother to humiliate me.

I hate to admit it but I have been jerking off to my own mother for many years now. It has been my dark secret, it started off just imagining her naked, wondering how nice her ass would really look without her tight workout pants, imagining her long blonde hair rubbing my legs as she blew me. Eventually I started jerking off to her panties and then her bras. She had plenty of super sexy lingerie. I figured that these pieces were reserved for bedroom use only since every time I peeked down her shirt she always had a normal bra. Since she had my sis, her cup went up a couple of sizes to a 32DD. They fit her slim waist and round bubble butt nicely, especially when she had on her little workout outfits that she only wore inside the house. She had a classy and sexy sense of fashion, sometimes almost too sexy but nothing over the top. When going to a pool or the beach she always wore a thin cover up over her bikini that showed a decent amount of cleavage but not enough for my perverted curiosity. Her bikini bottoms usually showed off the bottoms of her cheeks but it was always hard to get a good look at her them under the cover ups, which were thin enough to let her skin tan, but they had some colorful designs which made it hard to see her body.  I have been trying to sneak a look at my naked mom for ages now and failed. I even tried setting up a spy camera on multiple occasions but never succeeded. I desperately need to see her naked tits soon now that they look so full post-preggo mode.

The screeching from my alarm clock ravished my ears as I woke up on the worst day of the week, Monday. Only a few more of those before I could smash the damn clock. I had to crawl out of bed with my eyes half opened, as usual. I walked into the kitchen with my PJ’s still on where my mom had already made breakfast for me, as usual. I slumped into my seat and something unusual happened, my jaw dropped and my eyes popped open.

Mom was facing away from me wearing a long sleeve white blouse tucked into a beige pencil skirt which ended a few inches above the knees. Her tan skin looked great wrapped in white and beige. She had matching beige high heels that had some fancy straps around her ankles.  I had forgotten that today was the first day in which my mother would be presented to my bullies. Her ass looked great and so did her toned legs. The skirt was a lot tighter than I remembered from last year, and it wasn't because she was fatter. Her hard work in our house’s gym was clearly showing as she bent over to pick something up. I could see the shape of her two firm ass cheeks as the soft fabric stretched. Her blouse was tight around her waist and her curves were driving me nuts.  I forgot about my problems and started enjoying the show until I saw her panty lines. Oh god, she was wearing one of those sexy tight panties that cover about 40 % of a girls ass. Not a thong but still sexy/fun and not something a typical 37 year old mother of two teacher would wear. I just knew that Barry would be making some dirty jokes about her underwear once he saw her VPL.

I felt my dick twitch the moment she turned around. Like her skirt, she had bought her blouse before my sister was born. The blouse was not made for her post-preggo tits, they looked like they were about to pop some buttons. She only left the top two buttons undone, but that was far more than I would had liked since it allowed for 4 inches of cleavage to show. To make things even worse it was sheer, luckily she was wearing a camisole and bra underneath but you could still see the straps and even more cleavage through the blouse where the camisole wasn’t present.

“How do I look? Think I will make a good first impression” she said as I quickly shot my gaze from her breasts up to her beautiful blue eyes. She proceeded to do a spin causing her tits to sway and bounce uncontrollably as she turned back around.

“Yeah mom, definitely” I replied pretending to still be tired while using my free hand discreetly tuck my boner into my waistband under the table. She kept talking, and talking, and talking but everything entered in through my right ear and shot out the left ear. For a split-second, I was almost glad that one of us was excited about her new job.

I could hardly eat but I didn’t want mom to think that anything was wrong. I chewed my food but couldn’t swallow. Whenever Mom wasn’t looking I would throw a bit in the trash until my plate was empty. After breakfast, I changed from my pj’s into my school clothes and threw my homework and school supplies in my backpack. While brushing my teeth and straightening myself up in the bathroom, Mom was constantly bossing me around so that we wouldn’t be late, “do this, do that, hurry up.” Could she just be quiet? She sounded too excited to be working again and it started annoying me. When I was all packed up and ready to go I walked past my sister’s room and saw mom kissing her goodbye. “I’ll wait for you in the van,” I whispered as I walked away just wanting the day to end before it even begun.

I warmed up Mom’s minivan for a couple of minutes before looking through my stuff to check that I wasn’t missing anything. I realised that I forgotten to pack my calculator and ran back inside. Not wanting to wake up my sister, I tiptoed around the house. I grabbed the calculator and on the way back I passed through Mom and Dad’s bedroom door. I could hear that they were fighting. I normally tend to mind my own business but I heard some interesting stuff come out of my mom’s mouth that sparked my curiosity.

“Stop it, no. I don’t have time for this. You are messing up my outfit.” I heard mom complain in between some light slaps, she was no doubt slapping my dad’s hands away from her body.

“C’mon baby, you look so great, It won’t take more than 3 minutes.”

I heard mom sigh and cuckle as she said, “I know it won’t, you never do. Besides when I wanted some action last night you pushed me away.”

“Hey don't go there, you know I can’t help it. Premature ejcaulation is nothing to joke about, 1 in 3 men have to suffer through this...”

“I wonder who’s the one really suffering,” mom interrupted, her remarked seemingly ignored by dad.

“...and you know I was tired last night,” dad said raising his voice.

Mom now started to sound pissed as she shot back, “Tired from what? Or were you drunk and pretending to be tired so I wouldn't be able to tell? You reeked of alcohol and there is no way you would had gotten it up anyways. Do you enjoy drinking with your buddies while your wife prepares for work AND does her job as a mother of two? You should be out looking for a job.”

“Well maybe if you didn’t spend so much money in your damn clothes and jewerly we wouldn't be so fucked.”

“Oh you wanna go there,” Mom replied. “Well maybe if you didn’t spend so much money on your damn man cave, beer, tools you never use, sports tickets, cars,  and penis enhancement pills that don’t even work we wouldn't be so broke.”

“That’s enough,” dad said as I heard them move around and knock some things around. It sounded like someone was kicking the bed and mom was grumbling. I was confused at first until I heard those sounds be replaced with the bed creaking and hearing mom say, “Fine if you’re going to take me like that, just do what you have to and hurry up.”

Dad eventually responded with, “you like that don’t you? I can tell, you were just playing hard to get to, huh?”

Mom sarcastically replied, “Oh yes I love it” and dad humped away faster.

“It’s big isn’t it?” Dad said sounding thrilled. He didn’t catch on that mom was completely faking it.

She just boringly replied, “Oh it’s sooo big.”

I immediately heard dad moan loudly and say, “I’m going to drop a huge load inside of you babe!”. I decided I had heard enough and backed away from the door, I couldn't believe dad would force himself on mom, but at the same time I imagined myself taking my dad’s place. I started to get turned on but my imagination quickly crashed as I imagined penetrating her with my small dick while mom sarcastically insulted me like she did with dad.

I heard footsteps and snapped out of it, I quickly hid in a closet in the hallway as mom opened the bedroom door. The closet door had slits so I could see her and dad. Dad was pulling up his pants and mom was moving away from him. She had the same look on her face from whenever she was about to ground me, she was pissed. Her skirt was pulled up to an inch below her cunt. She grabbed her bag and picked something white off the floor. I thought it was her panties but it was hard to tell. Whatever it was, was rolled up in her hand and I couldn't get a good look at it. If those really were her panties then that meant that I was so close to seeing her bare pussy. With every small movement my mom made her skirt rode up a bit and then fall. Her skirt refused to give to cooperate with my desires. Luckily for me, dad was about to help me out, I saw him sneak up behind her and she tried to run away. Before she could escaped dad’s reach, he slapped her ass and smiled. He then reached over to pull her skirt up and hopefully present her pussy to me. Unfortunately for me, mom was just too fast. She quickly closed the door on dad’s face and walked towards a bathroom in the hallway, next to the closet I was in. As she walked past me, I saw that lacked her panty lines from this morning. Which confirmed my suspicions that she was going commando. It just pissed me off that my best chance at seeing her naked cunt slipped by due to pure bad luck.

I waited a couple of seconds before quietly opening the closet door and sneaking back outside. I saw that the bathroom door was cracked opened. I stopped to peak inside and saw my mom’s backside as she pulled her skirt back down. Damn, her panty lines were present again. If I would had risked it and hurried up, I probably would had finally seen her bare ass or pussy, now I was even more pissed. She looked in the mirror and whispered to herself, “Damnit Holly, no wonder you only have two children. He considers a big load just a couple of drops. Didn’t even have to clean myself did I? That small dick of his leaves everything right at the entrance where it just falls right out.”

I didn’t want to hear anymore and made my way to the van. I was thinking that perhaps my dick was tiny because I inherited it from my dad. After a minute or two mom finally got into the driver’s side and we pulled out of the garage and driveway. Her cheerful and talkative attitude from this morning was completely smashed to pieces and it made the drive to school awkward. I couldn’t think of anything to say either since my mind was bogged with what I experienced a couple minutes ago.

A couple of minutes before we arrived to school we reached a stop sign where I saw Barry’s best friends walking out of an alley. They were the same basterds who help push me down the stairs. John Hill was some dumb stereotypical redneck, he was around 6’ 3” and was stocky like one of those pro-wrestlers. He probably weighed around 270 and had the broken the most records in our school’d gym. Curtis Smith was an intimidating, 6’ 5” black dude. He was far slimmer and not nearly as strong as John, but he was far quicker, probably weighing 220 pounds. Emilio Fernandez was the shortest of the three at 6’ 1”. He wasn’t the strongest or fastest but he was better overall than anyone else. Anyone who was faster than him was far weaker, and anyone who was stronger than him could not outrun him. The only things these three had in common were 1) They were all huge stars of the varsity football team , 2) they loved to bully me and 3) I saw my mom lust for all three. She looked at all three and licked her lips at each one as her eyes jumped from one’s body to the next. Ugh , mom was checking my bullies, I felt betrayed.

“Hey, those were the boys in the local paper after the big game weren’t they?” Mom said without even trying to hide the fact that she was checking them out.

“Yeah , mom, John Hill, Curtis Smith, and Emilio Fernandez.” I replied sourly thinking about al the pain they caused me.

“Oh so you know them, are they your friends?” Before I could reply mom mom rolled down her window and yelled at them to come closer, which they did. They were looking looking inside the van until they found my mom’s cleavage. She leaned over the window to talk to them which allowed them to get a better look down her blouse. Curtis bumped John’s elbow and gave him a smile. All 6 of their eyes were locked on her tits as mom said, “Hello there, my son Alan and I were just riding to school and he said you guys were his friends. Would you guys like a ride?”

Emilio leaned down and looked at me, his dark brown eyes scared my gaze away and I just looked down. “Oh yeah we know Alan, we are great friends with him.”  Curtis and John let out some laughter and my mom was thrilled to learn I had “friends”.

“Perfect jump right in,” mom said as she smiled at me, I returned a faux smile back as the van rocked back and forth as these super athletes piled in. “Err, you guys are so big, let's make this more comfortable why doesn’t Alan jump in the third row while one of you keeps me company and the other two can site in the second row?”

The guys smiled as they saw me struggling to squeeze into the back row of seats. John decided to sit next to mom while Carlos and Curtis sat in the second row.

On the way there, which only took a couple of minutes, mom managed to tell them everything. From quitting her job, taking care of a baby, to my dad losing his job, and worst of all how excited she was to teach sex ed. My face was red as they laughed at the last statement. She was super ecstatic when she found that they all were placed in her class.

After hitting a huge pothole mom’s purse bounced around and fell open. One of her sexual eduations props was sticking out. It was a 6 inch silicon mass in the shape and color of a human penis. It was meant for educational purposes only. Carlos spotted it right away and whispered to  Curtis, “Look this bitch has a dildo in her purse.”

I quickly jumped into their conversation, “It’s not a dildo, its a prop for teach…”

“Who the fuck asked you Turtle-Dick?” Curtis lashed out, interrupting me.

“I’ll stick my prop in your mom’s ass,” Carlos said getting his two cents in and making Curtis laugh.

When we finally arrived at school, the drop off zone was backed up so we were going to have to walk from the parking space. We ended up all the way towards the back and it worried me that the guys were whispering to each other, what were they planning?

When we got out of the van, Curtis grabbed me from behind and placed his huge hand on my mouth. “You make a noise, I’ll snap your neck Turtle-Dick.” I just nodded and saw Mom walk away chatting with John by her side and Emilio right behind her.

When mom, John, and Emilio reached the teacher’s lounge where mom was going to depart from our company she saw Curtis and I lagging behind, she waved and said, “Nice to see the biggest of you boys making company for my son.”

Curtis replied with a evil smile, “Yes ma’am, I sure am the biggest.”

“Yeah but not by much.” Emilio quickly jumped in.

Mom just giggled and said, “Not by much? He must be at least this much taller than you.” She was holding up her fingers about 4 inches away from each other, “but I guess that when you are so big it doesn't really matter.” Mom didn’t catch on that they were obviously not referring to their heights

“Sure thing,” John said trying to pop into the conversation, “but you can’t deny that girth is the complete difference maker, haven’t met a girl who said otherwise” John had his hands proudly around his waist posing like a bodybuilder. John’s waist was twice the circumference of mine and it was pure muscle. His forearms looked like tree trunks and his biceps were about to rip his shirt, his quads were pushing his jeans to the limits too.

“I suppose so,” mom said lost in her own thoughts. She was looking at John’s waist, her vision lost in his chiseled abs. The guys noticed her trance and smiled at me. I was too embarrassed to look at them. I just wanted her to stop, but it only got worse as she locked onto his bulge. She was finally brought back to reality by the warning bell, meaning that we had 2 minutes before the actual class bell rang. Mom quickly excused herself and walked into the lounge. “She wants some dick,” Curtis said looking down at me.

“Mom would never do that, especially with some dumb meatheads--” I fucked up again, I saw them glaring at me and I booked it. I heard them laugh hysterically as I ran away like a pussy.

My day went by terribly thinking about my last class, I knew I couldn’t avoid it so I did my best to get through. By the time class was about to start I had already heard a few rumours about the new MILF teacher, who happened to be Turtle-Dick’s mom and carry a dildo in her purse for when she got horny. Surprisingly, Barry and his gang had left me alone thus far. This meant that they were surely up to something

As I walked to my mom’s class I spotted her walking down the hallway. Her ass was jiggling under her thin skirt. Each step she took resulted in two things, one, her ass cheeks bouncing and swaying, and two, my cock throbbing wildly. I couldn’t stop myself from imagining my dick tugged in between those majestic buns.

Unfortunately, my view was interrupted by Barry who walk out of the bathroom. He was as tall as John but slimmer. He started walking behind my mom clearly checking out her ass. He walked up to her, grabbed her ass, and said, “Hey girl, you new around here?” I was shocked I couldn't believe he would be so bold. My mom responded by letting out a loud yelp, turning around and slapping him on the cheek. Mom was about to slap him again when Principe Williams came out of his office and grabbed her by the wrist. Principle Williams was Barry’s uncle and it was no secret that Barry was allowed to get away with so much crap because of him. He was a 50 something year old chubby old man. He looked like a fatter and more twisted Jack Nicholson. He wore cheap wrinkly suits, his hair, skin, and clothes were always unkempt, he tried to mask his BO with bottles of cologne. Being around was physically intoxicating and mentally intimidating. He was a massive asshole to just about everyone who wasn’t his friends, who he had very few off. No one (except his buddies) liked him and no one was sure how he got the job. Many people believed it was due to his family ties. He had close family who were judges, lawyers, politicians, school board members, and occupied all sorts of other important roles.

Mr William’s voiced roared as my mom trembled in fear, “WHY DID YOU JUST SLAP MY NEPHEW?” Mom stumbled in her heels as Mr W yanked her into his office. Barry followed them making sure to slam the door. I crept up to the door, and although the door window was covered with a poster, a small hole allowed me to look inside. The room had a desk facing the door and a fancy seat for Mr W. When sitting behind his desk Mr. W was facing the door. In front of the desk was a steel frame chair with vinyl padding on the seat and back, it also had thin metal armrests with rounded edges. This chair was meant for guests whose backs would would be facing the door when sitting down. These chairs were uncomfortable and stained with god knows what. I wasn’t surprised to see that Mr. W found the shittiest seat he could find, it seemed like Mr. W purposely did small shit like this all time just to make people uncomfortable.

Mr. W pushed mom into the shitty seat, her back  facing the door, Mr. Williams sat behind his desk, and Barry was leaning on the wall in the corner behind the principle, smiling. Mom was sitting near the edge of her seat, it looked like she didn’t want the chair to stain her pretty clothes or her soft hair to get dirty on the backrest. Her sleeves we're rolled up a couple of inches, I could see a red hand print where Mr. W grabbed her wrist. Mom  was trying to explain what happened, almost crying with her hands shaking but Mr W wasn't having it. I put my face closer to the door to get a better view and hear their conversation.

“It doesn’t matter what he did to you. You NEVER lay your hands on a student. I would fire you on the spot but luckily for you there are no teachers left to sub and these kids needs to pass the class.”

“I’m sorry it won’t happen again, but he needs some sort of punishment for sexually harassing me.” Mom was going toe to toe with Mr. W, I don’t think she realized how foolish that was.

“Listen Holly, don’t worry about Barry, worry about yourself. Do I have to remind you that as a new employee you are probation? Remember when you told me how much this job meant to you? I’d hate to see your family foreclose your house.” Mom was looking down at her feet. She was no longer standing up for herself.  Mr. W was hitting her hard emotionally. He got up and walked behind mom, Barry was still smiling in the corner. Mr. W place his hands on her shoulders making her squirm and said, “You said you would do anything, literally anything to prove your worth to me. Isn’t that right.”

“Yes sir, I promis….”

“Shh, stop promising and start acting, so far you have proven to be the lowest of the lowest, so low that there is no one else at the moment to take your job. You are only here because if I were to scrape the bottom of the barrel anymore I would make a hole. Do you understand?”

Mom had the sniffles as she nodded her head. Mr. W began massaging her back . I could see his fingers move and pull Mom’s bra straps underneath her blouse. Mr. W seemed really skilled at this, his movements were fluid, quick, and natural. He knelt down so that he was at eye level with mom. He had one hand on her shoulder and another slightly above her knee. I was expecting for Mom to slap him and quit her job right there but she didn’t. She was too scared, I wanted to jump through the door and save her but I was too scared. His fingers were pressed into her the inside of her thigh and his other hand was rubbing Mom’s arm now. With all the rubbing he did on her back the straps of her bra and camisole had fallen into her sleeve. His hand was now gently pulling them down her arm as he rubbed it. Mom didn’t even try to push his hand away, I assume she hadn't noticed given how smooth he was. He got close to her ear and said, “I’m sure you heard a rumour or two this morning about what happened to the last health teacher.” Mom visibly flinched when his breath hit her nose and nodded again. I saw Mr. W smile and subtly run his hand up Mom’s inner thigh while parting her leg open an inch or two. His thumb was now inside Mom’s skirt, I knew she was doing nothing now but would run to the police as soon as this was over. Barry tilted his head to get a better look up Moms skirt.  “Don’t make the same mistake as her.” Mr. W said while standing up and motioning for mom to go. Mom got up and immediately adjusted her straps. AS she walked away from him, Mr. W said, “You better be here tomorrow wearing something more appropriate, capiche.” I took a couple of steps away from the door as Mom threw it open. She zoomed right past me without even noticing I was there.

I peeked back inside to see what they would say about her. Mr. W was back behind his desk sitting. “Lay off of her uncle Frank.” Barry told him.

“What. you must be joking. I can do whatever I want. This is my castle after all”

“I said lay off of her, she’s mine.” Barry said frowning at him.

“Oh, you want her for yourself. Maybe I’ll bring her back in and rip her asshole open as you watch.” Mr. W glaring back at him as he stood up.

Barry pushed him down using his big hand. “You won’t. I want her first and I will have her first. I don’t like sloppy seconds, especially when some greasy old fuck like you ruins the mix.” Mr. W looked scared, which I had never seen before. “HA! Don’t worry old man I’ll make it worth your while in the meantime. Pick any cheerleader and I’ll have her beg for you.”

Mr. W was now smiling. “You learned from the best haven’t you, but don’t forget that I still have some tricks up my sleeve. I’ll take your deal but I’m only giving you four weeks before I ruin that MILF’s holes. I promise I won’t fuck her and in return I want a cheerbitch a week.”

“Fine. I won’t even need that long. You’ll get two extra bitches if you help me out a bit” With that, they shook on on their little deal. I didn’t know I felt about what was said so I just walked away. I never was one for confrontations, even with my own thoughts.

I made it to Mom’s classroom and before walking in I made sure no one was inside waiting to beat me up. I went to sit on my seat all the way in the back and put my head down to gather my thoughts. I usually spent several minutes on my own before class started. My bullies would either be super early and play a prank on me, or be way late, there was never an in between so I knew I was safe. After several minutes on my own I heard Barry, John, Curtis, and Carlos talking outside the room though.

“No way, after slapping her ass she must hate you. And you are lucky your uncle managed to handle the situation.” I heard Carlos say.

“Yeah right, she wants this dick I’m telling you. You should had seen how scared she was, no way she is snitching. And if she does we all know what happened to our last play toy.” Barry replied. “By the way, I’ll bet you all $ 500 I can smash her before we graduate.”

“Bullshit, you should had seen the way she looked at me this morning.” John chimed in, “I’ll fuck her before she even notices you. Easy, and I’ll double your bet.”

Curtis finally spoke up, “Carlos and me are always in, but we all know that I will win this. Like taking money from some babies.”

“Yeah I’m in, cuz I know I’ll win” Carlos excitedly replied, “But there can’t be any interference at all. Nothing like snitching, or making each other look bad, or you Barry getting your uncle to suspend us or something. Nothing. If someone fucks up the rules then he has to pay everyone  Benjamins .” I heard them all agreed on their wager and walk away. Thank God they didn’t walk into the room.

I couldn’t help but laugh. She would never cheat on Dad, especially with some dumb meatheads. I’m proud to say that Mom has never let anyone disrespect her. In fact, Mom was probably already getting Mr. W arrested for sexually harassing her in his office. Knowing her, she would be raising hell with the supernatant on the phone and afterwards calling the cops to file a report. I couldn't wait for her to get Mr W. fired. It would be like hitting two birds with one stones since no one would be around to cover up for Barry and his friends.

Wrong again. I felt my heart stop when I saw Mom walk in. She looked at me with a defeated look in her eyes and said, “Oh hey, you're already here. Why are you all the way back there?” I shrugged my shoulders and whined when she tapped her index finger on a front desk. Her look told me I had no say in the matter. I was dumbfounded as to why she wasn’t doing something about Mr. W. What did he do to my previous teacher that was so bad? Eventually the warning bell rang and Curtis, John, and Carlos filed in sitting in the front to the left of me. Mom looked somewhat happy again now that she saw her “friends” from this morning.

“I’m glad that for a small class like this that everyone is sitting at the front. I would start by introducing myself but I think we all know each other from this morning.” She looked around and the guys just smiled back at her. She lifted  sheet of paper with a list on it and said, “Now, I think there is someone missing.” I heard her mumble the names of John Curtis, and Carlos. She looked up and smiled at each of them whenever she said their names. Her smiled turned upside down when she said, “Barry Harry Willi…”
“Here! Barry shouted as he walked in late.

“You have to go to detention Barry, you are late for class.” My mom said sternly. She wasn't about to have any of his bullshit after what he did.

“Well I’m excused,” Barry said reaching into his pocket, “Oh darn, I lost my slip, but you can ring up my uncle or I can go get him if you need proof.”

“Tha-That won’t be necessary Barry, just take a seat.” Barry surprisingly sat right next to me instead of with his pals.

Mom started the class by reviewing where we left off. Just some boring anti-drug generic health lesson. The whole time my bullies were being surprisingly polite (clearly this was part of their plan to bed Mom) aside from the times where they looked down my mom’s blouse when she wasn’t looking, or when they made gestures behind her back as if they were going to slap her ass. Or the time in which Carlos accidently bumped his groin into her ass. I honestly thought it was an accident, until I noticed him licking his lips and smiling at Curtis. I wish Mom would had seen him instead of cluelessly apologizing for being in the way. Mom was clearly avoiding Barry, and Barry was surprisingly leaving her alone. Even more surprising was that when I dropped my pencil and he picked it up for me. I knew he was doing it because Mom was watching, but it still shocked me.

Mom was actually doing a pretty good job teaching. It’s a shame that it was a waste since the attention everyone was giving her was to ogle her body. Even I stared at her ass when she was writing on the whiteboard. I thought I was being inconspicuous until I saw that Mr. W was looking at me from outside the room. Ours eyes locked and he smiled. I quickly looked own pretending that I wasn’t staring at Mom’s ass.

When class ended, I grabbed the van’s keys and told Mom that I was going to wait for her in the van as she packed up. On the way out the door I bumped into some fat kid. Before I could say I was sorry, he pushed me down and told me to fuck off. I saw mom about to intervene but Barry helped me up and told the kid to leave me alone. I looked at Barry who was smiling at Curtis and John. I heard them both say, “Dammit why didn’t I think  of that.” I was really enjoying this whole bet they were having. The were actually treating me nicely and I knew that it would only end when of them slept with her, so never.

Several Hours Later....

I was in my room pretending to not hear them arguing. One of Dad’s friends had managed to win tickets to the football postseason. Mom was furious that he was packing up and leaving us for several weeks. “Oh so I’m going to be working my ass off while you go out to eat and hang out with your friends. How are we going to pay for the hotel?” Mom argued, practically screaming.

“Honey, this is a one in a lifetime opportunity for me, we’ll figure it out later.”

Whenever she got really mad, she would go from screaming to pretending not to care. After screaming for hours, she was now pretending not to care and Dad fell for the bait. I crept downstairs to watch Dad leave, his friends were picking him up. He was hugging mom and said, “I’m going to miss you so much, and I'm sure going to miss this too.” He said looking down at his crotch before walking out the door.

“Yeah right.” Mom said to herself. I was still hiding on the stairs and watched Mom go into the kitchen to grab a glass cup and bottle of wine. Mom was still wearing her outfit from this morning, minus the uncomfortable heels and long sleeve blouse. I could just barely see the outline of her nipples, she must’ve taken her bra off to get comfortable. After she had my sister, it wasn't uncommon to see her go braless in the privacy of our house. I could sometimes see her nipples poking out of her shirts but nothing crazy. She went into the living room and poured herself a cup.

I watched Mom watch tv while drinking away her worries for about an hour until a knock on the door interrupted our household. Mom got up to open the door, she was tipsy and stumbled a couple of times. I saw Barry’s handsome face when Mom opened the door.

“How the hell did you get here, and what are you doing here, just go.”

“I’m sorry Mrs. Stedman but I felt so bad. I know I shouldn't have, but I snuck around my uncles pc and found your address. You were avoiding me and I had to apologize in person. I didn't mean to touch you,” Mom was slowly closing the door but Barry held a hand up stopping her. “Please just hear me out before you kick me out.”

“No, just go.”

“I’m not leaving until you hear me out, then you can kick me out.” Barry is one determined motherfucker, I’ll give him that.

“You have three minutes Mr. Williams, consider yourself lucky.”

“Ok I totally didn’t mean to disrespect you. I just have a dumb little game going with Stacy who is on the cheerleading team where we surprise and scare each other. I thought you were her and accidently slapped your as… your butt. I didn’t mean to and my uncle didn't even let me explain it to you, he is such an asshole.”

“You expect me to believe you mistook me for a cheerleader?” My mom said letting the door open a bit.

Barry pulled out bright flowers from behind his back and said, “Your right, none of the cheerleaders look nowhere near as beautiful as you. And, I don’t expect you to believe my words, I just hope you give me one chance to prove myself. I’m a man of actions.”

Mom grabbed the flowers and inhaled their aroma. She said, “Wow, no one has given me flowers in such a long time. Why don’t you come sit inside.” Normally when she went around braless in the house she would throw something on before seeing guests. She must’ve been too drunk and forgot this time as she didn’t excuse herself to put on a sweater. Mom and Barry sat on the love seat but I couldn’t see him from where I was only Mom. “So you think I look like a cheerleader?” Mom said breaking the silence. She looked happy and wasted.

“Umm well, I don’t know how to say it being that you are my teacher, but I have to be honest. I think you are the most attractive woman I have ever laid eyes upon.” Mom giggled and her cheeks turned red. “You have to let me make it up to you, I noticed that your porch steps had some cracks in it. I’m really good with tools, you should let me fix them. It’s the least someone like me can do.”

“Oh that won’t be necessary but if you insist.”

“I do. I feel really bad about what I did Mrs. Stedman.”

“Just call me Holly. It would be great to have someone who knows how to handle a power tool around here.”

“I can start this Saturday. I can pick up some spare wood and other supplies from shop class. I already have all the tools I need.”

“Perfect.” Mom said cheerfully. As Barry got up to leave mom grabbed his arm. You should stay for a bit longer. Can I bring you something to drink or eat?”

“No ma’am, I just ate. I suppose I can stay and talk for a bit though. I really enjoy talking to who is willing to listen to me. My parents won’t even notice that I’m late.” Mom and Barry chatted for a couple more minutes. He was making Mom crack up and I couldn’t stop looking at my mom’s pretty face. It had been a long time since she genuinely smiled, and it was mesmerizing. I couldn’t believe Dad would just leave her to watch football.

Barry eventually got up to leave, he opened the door and Mom followed him. He reached out and gave her a tight hug and Mom returned the favor. His hands were awfully close to her butt. They held the hug for a couple of seconds before releasing. Before Mom closed the door she said, “You be careful now.”  When she turned around I saw that her nipples were poking through her camisole. This was the first time I had seen them erect and they were huge. It wasn't really that cold outside but I’m guessing it was enough to make them hard. I imagined my fingers pinching them through her shirt.

Mom went back to watching tv when her cell phone rang. She picked it up and answered it faking joy in her voice, “Hello…” Her face said it all, it went pale and she genuinely looked scared again. “Oh… Mr. Williams… Yes… Of course. No please that won’t be necessary…  Yes, I’ll look it up right now.” She picked up a tablet and started typing into it, holding her phone with her shoulder. “Why would I look that up? Ok, Ok. I’m doing it…” I could see the discomfort in Mom’s eyes as she fiddled with the tablet. I saw her tap it once and then drop it. She was breathing heavily now. “Mr. Williams, please….  I understand that Barry mistook me for someone else… Yes I understand that too…” Mom finished up her sentence grinding her teeth and hung up as I started to make my entrance.

“Hey mom, what's crackin?”

“Nothing much, just watching tv.”

I sat down next to her, hoping to get a closer look at her hard nipples, but they weren’t hard anymore. They shrunk as soon as I entered the room.  I looked at Mom’s face and she just stood up and walked away without saying a word. I picked up the tablet which she forgot to pick up. It was opened to a news article from a city on the other side of the country. I felt my blood drop as I read the headline, “Former HS Teacher Found Dead Inside Her House With 8 Rifle Rounds In the Back Of Her Head. Police Ruled Death A Suicide.” I couldn't believe it, my former health class teacher had actually committed suicide. Mom must have known her somehow and was shocked too.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, another day I wasn’t looking forward to. I crawled out of bed and went to eat breakfast, as usual. When I slumped into the seat my eyes popped out of my sockets, second time this week. Mom was bent over reaching into the oven. I thought my year couldn’t get any worse but it seemed at each day proved me wrong. Her skirt was light pink and a couple of inches shorter than yesterday, Her panty lines were even worse than yesterday.  I have only seen her wear this once to a party and it caused a huge argument with dad when we got home. I remember being scared as they scream at each other from inside their room, “You look like a slut” he said multiple times and she slapped him hard each time he repeated it. Dad slept on the couch for weeks after that. Her top looked like a cotton material and hung loose around her body. At least it wasn’t a sheer top like yesterday I thought. Then she turned around, the top may have been loose, but it clung around her perky breasts. I could see the outline of her tits trying to burst out of her bra, no camisole this time. Today couldn’t get any worse, my mom looked like a high end escort rather than a teacher.

Mom didn’t even try to bug me with mom talk today on the drive to school. We dropped off our sister of at her babysitter and then went straight to school. She let me off at the drop off zone. I asked her, “Mom, you want anything before the day starts like coffee. You seem kind of distracted and tired.” She didn’t even hear me, “Mom!”

“Uh, what did you say something?”

“Umm yeah you want me to get you some coffee from the cafeteria?”

“No sweety, I’m meeting with Mr. W this morning and won't have time for that.”

Damn, not Mr. W. I don't know what I was thinking but I went to the gym and stole a baseball bat. I wasn’t going to let him take advantage of my mom again. I snuck around the tunnels but instead of going to the girls locker room I walked around looking for a way to find Mr. W’s office. I eventually found a couple of floor vents that allowed me to see up straight up into what I thought was his office. One of them was in the middle of the room behind the chair Mom sat on. There was a trapdoor nearby, I opened it and realized that I was in a storage room connected to Mr. W;s office. I crawled back into the tunnels and formed my plan. I would watch what he did and wait to see if he pulled anything. If he did I would break into the room and beat the shit out of him. My heart was trying to escape from my chest and my sweat was piling on. The adrenaline rush wad unreal.

“Come on Holly, just this way.” I heard Mr. W say as he opened his office door. I saw his soles as he stepped on the vent and heard him drag a chair. I had my face up to the vents so I could see around the room. I saw that Mr. W grabbed the shitty chair and turned it 180 degrees to face the door. He sat down on it with his disgusting smile, legs spread, and arms behind his back. Anger painted my vision with blood and fire, my hands were clenching the bat tight, palms sweating, and Mom’s spaghetti was creeping up my esophagus already, I was ready to kick ass… until I saw my mom’s ass. She walked in and stopped right above the vent. My knees buckled, my arms turned into noodles, almost dropping the bat, and my neck almost broke as I looked straight up my own mother’s skirt. I had seen many upskirt videos on the net, but nothing prepared me for this. I could see 95% of everything below her waist but there was a thin triangle covering all the best parts. It was doing poor job though, the outline of her labia was making my blood flow. Her loose blouse also allowed me to see her tight abs and bra cups. I gently place the bat against the wall next to me and my hands instinctively reached for my zipper. But, I forced my conscious to overpower them. This was so wrong. Sure, I had jacked off to the thought of Mom in the past, but never to her directly and I was supposed to be protecting her too,

“Well I see you understood my subtle fashion advice Holly. Turn around… and stop right there.”

Mom did a half tur, she was now facing away from Mr. W who I heard walking towards her. He started massaging her back again, “Pick up the damn bat!” I told myself but my body refused to listen.

“Well I want my employees to bring their best. I know how much women stress about trivial things like clothes. So I think it is best if I help them out. I don’t want you to stress Holly, because if you stress then you’ll be a distraction to my students.”

“I understand Mr. Williams.” Mom replied weakly.

“I hope you really do, because I walked past your classroom yesterday and noticed that one of your students was being distracted, by you.”

“Who was it, I’ll talk to him about it.”

“No, that won't be necessary. Even if I told you i wouldn't want you scolding him for indirectly getting you in trouble.”

I saw goosebumps form on Mom’s legs, my eyes were still glued looking up her skirt. “Am I in trouble Mr. W? I don’t think this is fair.”

“Shhh. I’ll decide what’s fair and what isn’t. I’ll let it slide if you listen to my advise. Ok?” Mom didn't answer but Mr. W went on anyways, “I think the problem is this.”  His finger were now touching Mom’s butt, tracing them over her VPL. “You should get rid of the distraction, Holly.”

Mom turned back around to face Mr. W  “What? No, No, NO, this can’t be happening.”

“Holly, get rid of it right now, right here.” Mr. W’s voice sounded increasingly agitated. “NOW!”

Mom turned her body from Mr. W again and slowly rolled her skirt up a couple of inches, snuck her thumbs under it, and hooked her panties. She quickly pulled down both her panties and skirt, letting her underwear fall to her ankles. From my view all I could see were her heels, ankles and now her panties were blocking my previous view. Mom awkwardly kicked her heels until the panties were on the vent, covering everything. They were a pink pair that I had previously used to jerk off, not a thong but still skimpy. I looked down, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I looked at the bat’s handle and then looked back up as I reached for it, I was determined to turn Mr. Ws brain into a pulp. Suddenly, the panties disappeared, Mom quickly snatched them off the vent and I saw her naked and completely shaven pussy for the first time. I clenched my fist around the bat’s handle and realized that my hand betrayed me. It instead went for my dick as I was used to when looking at upkisrt videos of clueless girls. My heart started pumping and so did my hand.

Mr. W snatched the panties out of Mom’s hands and started sniffing them right in front of her. “Tell me Holly, you seem less stressed know, I bet you were worried that you would accidently flashed your panties to a student considering how short your skirt is.” I assume Mom nodded, I was too distracted jerking it to her nude cunt. “See, now you won’t be distracting students and you don’t have to worry about them seeing your underwear, Ha!”

“Can I just go now?” Mom’s voice was cracking up now, clearly holding back tears.

I saw his hand reach under Mom’s skirt and go for her cunt, stopping a couple inches short of the goal. He said, “Dammit, I said I wouldn’t.” Before retracting his hand.

SPOLIERS of what happens immediate after:
The principle remembers the deal he made with his nephew so he tells the mom to go. He then realizes that he can still have fun with her through a series of loopholes, completely humiliating her but not touching her directly. After he is done with her, he reminds her that the last teacher to make "false" accusations against him, got so stressed with her "lies" that she "killed herself."

The son, after witnessing his mother being used and finding pleasure in it throws up out of guilt and passes out in his own piss/puke.

SPOILERS of the direction of the story later on:
I know that this might be too much coercing/forcing for some but it plays on her mind and she later thinks that Barry actually cares for her...  and I kinda really like non-consent stories...

necok

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by Jman1012 on Sat Nov 18, 2017 7:15 pm

I think this is alot better than your first attempt with you adding alot more development to the story unlike before so good job there. For the future parts I would recommend that you development the relationship between the mom and the bullies more which you seem to already plan on doing with fixing that step, so im looking forward to that. Personally dont go to far into the whole ill kill you if you say anything as the story may turn abit dark/manipulating for the mom, just focus on the mom and bully part and you seem to be on to a good story here.

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

Post by RoamingCat on Mon Nov 20, 2017 7:37 am

Pacing seems a bit sketchy and some of the characterization is weak, I mean I get that we have three default characters in every story (Bully , mother , son, etc.) but it tends to help if they're given a bit more personality than the standard archtypes, I.e. Mother oblivious, son spineless, bully aggressive and tactless, giving them more dimension makes for a better story.

Anyway ending line was great and made me want more. I think you have a knack for writing dialogue. I hope you keep writing because this was very good for a first draft from someone that states they haven't written in a long time.
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RoamingCat

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Re: First story, not titled yet, need constructive criticism

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