Presence/lack of father figure

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Presence/lack of father figure

Post by Betrayal on Sat Jan 28, 2017 10:18 pm

For you guys who actually grew up with legit hot moms, do you feel your dad's presence or lack thereof had an impact on your mom's behavior and how your peers reacted to her looks? Obviously a kid who's lacking a father figure will no doubt be more susceptible to bullying, but I imagine it's even worse having your mom be the one to defend you from your enemies, especially if they end up exploiting her attractiveness. It also obviously leaves your mother more open sexually since she has no husband to satisfy her.

My parents divorced when I was young and I saw my mom in off and on relationships with tons of different men, from hopping into the shower with them to just spending hours in the bedroom. Ironically enough my dad divorced my mom because he thought she was cheating on him but she never did as far as I know. The separation caused a kind a sexual beast to awaken in her. Embarassed Maybe belongs in that race thread but my mom only ever dated white men and I can tell she definitely preferred their looks over my dad even though he's not bad looking. Only ever seeing my mom walk me to school also allowed my classmates to leer at her and toss cliché comments about her that probably wouldn't have happened if they saw my dad around.

I'm sure you guys have some feelings to share on the topic. Very Happy
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Re: Presence/lack of father figure

Post by RoamingCat on Sun Jan 29, 2017 12:18 am

Betrayal wrote:For you guys who actually grew up with legit hot moms

That's me, my mother was a latina woman with long curly hair, light brown skin, amazing curves (Large, supple breasts and apparently an extremely desirable ass, not that I'd know as I'm not really an ass man) on a very fit frame, since she was an athlete most of her life, this meant she had almost no fat on her and aged very gracefully.  I'd say she had a perfect body , she knew this and thus liked to show it off.

Her face on the other hand, seemed to always be 5 to 10 years older than she actually was. It made for a horrid contrast but, that is what make-up is for. I saw first hand how massive a difference some make-up can do. Of course unlike everyone else, I knew the truth. Her face was ugly.

do you feel your dad's presence or lack thereof had an impact on your mom's behavior and how your peers reacted to her looks?

Going to say absolutely yes. My mother divorced my father when I was very young and I had very little interaction with him, but she regularly told me he was a horrible man and that I should never listen to anything he had to say. That is to say, she was quite bitter for some reason, I didn't understand since it was her that left him.

My peers as in, other men then sort of, often preyed on her desire to find a new husband for herself and father for me. She was also somewhat insecure thinking she was undesirable because she had one failed marriage when the reality was, no one really cared about that.

If by peers you meant other young men of my age, then absolutely yes. Other kids and later teens would flirt with her and she would enjoy it , she said she liked to know that young men still thought she was attractive and it made her feel younger.

Obviously a kid who's lacking a father figure will no doubt be more susceptible to bullying

Bingo.

Then again, sometimes I was the bully. I had a lot of anger issues so I spent roughly as much time being bullied as I did bullying others.

but I imagine it's even worse having your mom be the one to defend you from your enemies

That was pretty horrible. I did everything in my power to make sure my mother was never invloved in anything I did, she would almost always make it something I couldn't do anymore. There was nothing worse than my drunken mother stepping in during a scuffle and instantly being side-tracked by comments about her ass.

It also obviously leaves your mother more open sexually since she has no husband to satisfy her.

That's another big problem, since my mother was hyper sexual, that made her a lot more interested in hooking up. This earned her a reputation, which made things even more difficult for me.

Walking into my room and finding my drunken mother on the bed fingering herself was not an uncommon occurrence. I didn't really understand what she was doing as a kid but I knew that I probably shouldn't be there so I always left and said nothing.

My parents divorced when I was young and I saw my mom in off and on relationships with tons of different men

Same.

I can say with confidence that I saw her "dating" a different man about every week. Those that lasted longer ironically tended to be the ones that treated her worse.

my mom only ever dated white men and I can tell she definitely preferred their looks over my dad

That's interesting, what race were your parents?

My mother also preferred white men, which is strange because both her marriages were to latin men that ended in divorce.

Only ever seeing my mom walk me to school also allowed my classmates to leer at her and toss cliché comments about her that probably wouldn't have happened if they saw my dad around.

That is exactly why I demanded she never walk me to school or back, even from a fairly young age. It was a huge argument that I eventually won.

Having a hot mom, especially one that is single and promiscuous, just paints a huge target on your back.
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Re: Presence/lack of father figure

Post by Betrayal on Sun Jan 29, 2017 2:23 pm

My parents are puerto rican, my mom's light skin and my dad's dark. And your input is appreciated as always. We seem to have had similar experiences growing up. Latina moms really do fit this genre better than others I think, not that there aren't promiscuous white/black/asian moms. I think it's the propensity for being single moms while aging well with curvy figures. All of this adds up to one big recipe for disaster for the son.

It's funny though how you said your mom had anugly face but was still very popular because of her body. I guess it's true that most guys only care about tits and ass.

How about any guys who had their fathers in their life? Was he insecure about having a hot wife and tried to shield her from your friends? I'd especially love to hear from middle class whites who lived in the suburbs. We always think of June Cleaver or Carol Brady when it comes to suburban white moms but I'm sure they're just as slutty.
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Re: Presence/lack of father figure

Post by Philo B. on Sun Jan 29, 2017 7:11 pm

I think I'd qualify as one of those white guys, having lived in the suburbs with two white-bread parents.  They never got divorced (though they should have), but their relationship was a very stormy and contentious one. Though I never witnessed any kind of promiscuity from either parent, growing up in that poisonous environment was hell.  My dad was very cold emotionally and rarely showed passion of any kind.  By the time I was born, I think he'd lost most, if not all, of his sexual interest in my mother.  This left her starved for both physical and emotional intimacy, the second of which she tried to substitute her son (me) as a proxy.  

I had a male provider who fed me and kept a roof over my head, but I never had a "dad."  Without this important role model, my socialization as a male didn't develop as it should, and I fell victim to bullying from other boys.  Sometimes, I'd come home with a busted lip or a bloody nose, and my mom would freak.  (My father couldn't have cared less; he'd just tell me to ignore bullies!!  How do you ignore the physics of a balled-up fist making contact with your face?)  On a couple of occasions, mom went on a rampage of righteousness and confronted my bullies directly.  Needless to say, that was the last thing I wanted, as it made things far worse for me.  

At the time, these bullies were no older than 15, and she was in her 30's.  It wasn't realistic for her to hop in bed with someone whose nutsack had not yet finished sprouting pubic hair.  Had they been closer to her age, however, I have to wonder what she may have done.  My mom was a fiery, passionate Irish woman of above-average looks in a relationship that was slowing killing her.  Had some clever bully found a way to free her libido from the confines of circumstance and social censure, I think it very likely that she would have succumbed to his charms.   I know this is only guesswork in my case; you two guys had your moms' libidinous tendencies thrust before your young, impressionable faces.  The common thread in our backgrounds is an unhealthy child-rearing environment that was absent a strong father figure, something every growing boy needs.  

There's this great book called "Families and How to Survive Them" by Dr. Robin Skynner.  It was originally printed back in the 1980's, but its content is still relevant today.  Dr. Skynner stresses the crucial nature of a father's position to raise boys, more so than girls, with confidence and self-esteem.  I've read it three times and never cease to be amazed at the complexity and interplay of forces that go into moulding us into who we are today.  The book is not a boring read at all.  The format is a conversation between Dr. Skynner and his celebrity patient, British comedian John Cleese of "Monty Python" fame.  There's a lot of humor but all of it serves to illuminate the issues they're discussing.  You can get a used version of this book at Amazon.com for less than a dollar, not including shipping.  I think you guys would gain a lot of understanding and solace if you gave it a good, thorough read.  Just my two cents as a fellow survivor of a fucked-up childhood.
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Re: Presence/lack of father figure

Post by Betrayal on Mon Jan 30, 2017 12:54 pm

Thanks for your insight Philo and I'll definitely look into that book. Really fascinating how deep this fetish goes, it goes far beyond simply being a wimp with an oedipal complex.
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Re: Presence/lack of father figure

Post by Philo B. on Tue Jan 31, 2017 4:09 am

Betrayal wrote:Thanks for your insight Philo and I'll definitely look into that book. Really fascinating how deep this fetish goes, it goes far beyond  simply being a wimp with an oedipal complex.

My pleasure, and you're absolutely right. In the book I recommended, they do go into fetishes, explaining how our past experiences are behind the sort of kinks we have. There is no judgment or shaming at all by the author. He just offers a clinical analysis.
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Re: Presence/lack of father figure

Post by Broken_Son1010 on Tue Feb 07, 2017 1:19 pm

In my case, my Mother was often the dominant one in the relationship. My dad was a great dad, but he was really reserved and even wimpy, and my mom was always the one to have the initiative. To talk first. To do things, to solve things. That passivity of his certainly contributed to who I am and, therefore, how much I adore this kink. I guess you could say that he was a beta and also made me a beta, and betas are the ones that tend to enjoy this fetishes.
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